Top 10 upcoming promotions

Stockton Ports (California League)
Fashion Week, April 29-May 2
Minor League Baseball fans are fashion trendsetters, as evidenced by the oft-repeated cliche that "what is seen in the stands ends up on the runway." In celebration of the symbiotic relationship between the two industries, the Ports are staging an action-packed "Fashion Week." On Wednesday, fans are encouraged to wear "Jorts" (long pants that have been cut into shorts). High school horrors are revisited Thursday with "Prom Gone Wrong Night," and the following evening features a Beanie Hat giveaway. It all wraps up Saturday with the return of "Canadian Tuxedo Night," a celebration of the all-denim outfit. "No Pants Day," originally scheduled for May 1, will take place at a later date. Rest assured, I will not let that one slip by undetected.

Buffalo Bisons (International League)
Free Food Night, April 30
It's a tough economy, and the Bisons are making concessions to make sure their fans keep coming to the ballpark. And after making these concessions, the team is giving them away gratis. Thursday is "Free Food Night" at the ballpark, in which fans receive $8 of coupons in the form of a "tear-off" card (don't get confused and call them "rip-off cards"). The coupons are good for one meal item, one small popcorn and one ice cream sandwich. And as if that weren't enough, all Coca-Cola products also will be free. Cherish the memory of this night, people of Buffalo, because promotions like this don't come around very often.

Memphis Redbirds (Pacific Coast League)
Nostalgia Man Bobblehead Giveaway, May 1
The logo of the Memphis Redbirds prominently features a side-profile drawing of an old-time baseball player, locked into his batting stance and ready to rip the cover off the ball (go ahead and visit the club's Web site if this logo is somehow not ingrained in your memory). A little-known fact is that this old-time player has a name -- Nostalgia Man. On Friday, the Redbirds will distribute "Nostalgia Man" bobbleheads, giving fans a rare chance to feel nostalgic about a promotion as it is happening.

West Virginia Power (South Atlantic League)
Pirate Mania Weekend featuring Piratepalooza and Dave Parker Appearance, May 1-3
As of this season, the West Virginia Power are affiliates of the nearby Pittsburgh Pirates. To celebrate the dawn of what will hopefully be a long-term symbiotic relationship, the Power are staging "Pirate Mania" this weekend. It kicks off Friday with "Piratepalooza," an homage to Pittsburgh baseball featuring Pirate giveaways, uniforms and, of course, an appearance by the Pittsburgh Parrot. The following night, former Buccos (and Reds, A's and Brewers) star Dave Parker will be the guest of honor. The first 1,000 fans in attendance receive a Dave Parker throwback jersey, which, despite its name, is not designed to be thrown back onto the field in protest of subpar play by the hometown team.

Birmingham Barons (Southern League)
Todd Jones Tribute Night, May 2
Venerable reliever Todd Jones hung up his cleats following the 2008 campaign, ending a career that spanned 16 seasons, 982 games and 319 saves. The former Detroit Tigers closer now lives in Pell City, Ala., which is but a hop, skip and a jump away from Birmingham. On Saturday, Jones will be the guest of honor at the Barons' Regions Park. He'll sign autographs, pose for pictures and participate in various other activities that will give fans a chance to congratulate him on a job well done. Currently, the over/under regarding how many times the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones" is played over the loudspeakers stands at three. Place your bets now.

Charleston RiverDogs (South Atlantic League)
Salary Cap Giveaway, May 2
There are many who believe that baseball's fiscal sanity could be restored with the implementation of a salary cap, but there are many others who feel that such a restriction would be an undeniable harbinger of the coming socialist apocalypse. No matter what your take on the issue may be, it's undeniably funny that the RiverDogs are giving away a literal "Salary Cap" on Saturday. As in, ballcaps imprinted with the word "Salary." The message here is that for fans who are under a "Salary Cap," the RiverDogs provide an unbeatable bang for the buck. Pretty much everyone can agree on that.

Huntsville Stars (Southern League)
In-Stadium Garage Sale, May 2
Buck's Challenge, May 4
Huntsville's Joe Davis Stadium will be a bargain hunter's paradise Saturday. From noon through the conclusion of that evening's game, the concourse will be transformed into a gigantic multi-family garage sale. All it takes to secure a table is a $25 donation to the local Muscular Dystrophy Association, creating a win-win situation for all involved. Then, two days later, the Stars are challenging their fans to skip work or school and come to a weekday afternoon baseball game. Tickets will be priced at just $1, and the team is hoping that more than 1,000 fans take advantage of this deal. If they do, then Stars GM Buck Rogers will have his head shaved at home plate following the conclusion of the contest.

Tampa Yankees (Florida State League)
Yankees Baby DVD Giveaway, May 2
It sounds like a joke, but the "Yankees Baby" DVD is an honest-to-god actual item, something that is bought and sold through the usual channels that exist between merchant and consumer. But those wishing to circumvent said channels should go to the Tampa Yankees game Saturday, when 250 such DVDs will be given away. Narrated by George Steinbrenner(!), the Yankee Baby DVD is advertised as combining "all the great things you love about the team, with all the things you want your young fans to learn about numbers, letters, shapes, colors and more." May God have mercy on our souls.

Bowie Baysox (Southern League)
Party Like It's 1929 Night, May 4
The Baysox are advertising "Party Like It's 1929 Night" as a chance to "turn back the clock at Prince George's Stadium to an era of gangsters, prohibition and the largest economic collapse in U.S. history." But given that description, it may as well be called "Current Events Night." Regardless, fans will have the opportunity to check out 1929-era hot rods in the parking lot and are also invited to dance the Charleston as old-timey music blares through the speakers. Those who really want to get in the spirit of the evening can dress up in the style of the era, though it may be hard to find suspenders that are strong enough to hold up a barrel.

Omaha Royals (Pacific Coast League)
Warren Buffett Bobblehead Giveaway, May 4
Warren Buffett is one of the richest men in the world, admired and respected by millions. Perhaps the greatest indicator of his success thus far is that the Omaha Royals have honored him with his own bobblehead doll -- on two separate occasions. Buffett was first "bobble-ized" in 2003, and on Monday he will be immortalized again. Not at all coincidentally, Buffett is an Omaha native and one of the principal owners of the O-Royals. He probably pulled some strings to make this happen, as philanthropic billionaires are wont to do.

Bonus Coverage: Because I work hard for my money, here are seven promos that could have been included in last week's column. Could have been, but weren't.

Win A Wii/Win A Tree (Corpus Christi Hooks, April 23-24) -- Giving away objects that rhyme with one another on back-to-back days is a tried-and-true technique, dating back to the Win a Top Hat/Win a Bath Mat promos of the early 20th Century.

Strike Out Autism Night (Fresno Grizzlies, April 24) -- The Grizzlies took the field wearing one-time only "Autism Awareness" jerseys.

Celebrity Friday (Lancaster JetHawks, April 24) -- A special guest made an appearance at Lancaster's Clear Channel Stadium. But who?

Chris Nocero First Pitch (Round Rock Express, April 24) -- A long-time Express season-ticket holder, Nocera also happens to be 102 years old.

Algenis Perez Soto Appearance (Quad Cities River Bandits, April 25) -- In which the star of "Sugar" returned to the ballpark where the movie was primarily filmed.

Timber Appreciation Night (New Hampshire Fisher Cats, April 26) -- Because all too often, timber is overlooked.

National Kiss Your Mate Day (Mobile BayBears, April 28) -- This promotion would take on a whole new meaning if it took place in Australia.