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An Open Letter To GM Allan Benavides

May 12, 2021

A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 has not been shy about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large. Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails

A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 has not been shy about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large.
Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails into our spam folders, we’ve decided that we’ll be sharing them with you, the masses, throughout the 2021 baseball season.
And so, without further ado, here is the first missive from the man known simply as Bads85, the unofficial voice of you, the fan.

Dear Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds]:

Good day, sir. I write to you during these exciting but oft troubled times of minor league baseball returning from the COVID-19 stoppage. Your wonderful Eugene Emeralds, the gemstone of the Northwest League, face even greater challenges the most organizations. Not only must the Ems face the challenges of expanding to a 120-game season, but also must arrange for a new stadium to be constructed in the Eugene/Springfield metropolitan area. Fortunately for you, the baseball gods have decreed that I take the Emeralds under my wing for the duration of these arduous times.

I know you have heard of my vast reputation, but perhaps some of your loyal fan base has not, so I am commandeering part of your program and website to introduce myself. I am Bads85, perhaps the greatest Thirsty Thursday ambassador the minor leagues have ever seen (I have nifty business cards to support this claim). I travel from town to town to offer assistance to ensure that every fan has the most optimal experience at a game. I am the voice of the fan who has been left behind, and also the voice of the fan who has yet to attend a game. I speak for those waiting tirelessly in the beer line, but I also rub elbows with the corporate fat cats in the VIP suites. In short, I contain multitudes, but to know me is to love me.

But I am not here to talk about me; I am here to talk about the immediate future of your organization. Doubling the amount of home games means your staff needs to work many billions times harder to make sure the fan experience meets the Emeralds’ insanely high standards. This is not Pasco, Washington, Allan. Eugene expects more. Eugene deserves more. Most short season organizations can keep their fans happy for thirty-five home dates (well, except Orem). However, over a longer season, only the savagely creative organizations can remain fresh throughout the entire grind.

Fans come to the game to roar, except the Righteous Stoics who want to immerse themselves in the pastoral aspects of a game, but the baseball gods invented headphones and internet streams for those folk. The baseball game on the field is just a vehicle for THE ROAR, and often it is not even the primary vessel. Your organization holds the power to bring the crowd to its feet in a unified PRIMAL SCREAM that expels the repressed frustrations that have been haunting fans most of their lives. If your organization is not evoking primal screams every night from those in attendance, you are doing the minor leagues wrong. I would suggest your staff wear buttons or shirts reading, “Have you had your primal scream today?”

There are many ways to evoke primal screams from the stands, and we will talk about them in great detail over the course of the season, but right now we should address the swirling rumors swirling that television producers are looking to use the Emeralds’ season and quest for a new stadium as the basis for a reality television show. As an ambassador of MiLB and one of the primary sources of those rumors, I can indeed say certain people are talking about this. Right now, the TV show is still is the talking stage as far as I know, but with the proper promotion, I am sure camera crews will be at PK Park very soon.

Hey, how big is your backyard? Perhaps you should host an outdoor barbecue at your place for the fans and local politicians so the Emeralds can address the needs for a new stadium. I bet Mayor Lucy Vinis and Mayor Sean VanGordon would love to come and have a competitive game of corn hole and perhaps a cool glass of Bads85’s moonshine or sweet tea. Have your corporate sponsors supply the food since the Ems have not sold a hot dog since August 2019. Maybe have a raffle, and someone goes home with a brand new Toyota Tundra. It could be the social event of the spring. We can hash out the menu later, but we should start working on the guest list immediately.

I should probably let you go. I am expecting calls from investors for the reality television show anytime now.

Your friend in baseball,

Bads85

PS: Have you had your primal scream today?

You can find more missives and musings from the mind of Bads85 by visiting Bads85.com.