Bads Prepares For His Visit To Eugene
A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 has not been shy about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large. Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails
A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 has not been shy about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large.
Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails into our spam folders, we’ve decided that we’ll be sharing them with you, the masses, throughout the 2021 baseball season.
In this newest missive, Bads prepares for his looming visit to the Emerald Valley.
Dear Alex Stimson [Media Relations; Eugene Emeralds]:
We need to begin planning my triumphant visit to Eugene in July, which will certainly be the social event of the season. I am not sure if I will be in town for the first or second week of the home stand of the month — the final decision will come down to our plans what week offers the most bang for opportunity time. I must say, the decision would be much easier if the Emeralds’ July promotion schedule was shared with me, but I still do not have my own Ems’ email address. I am sure it just has slipped Allan Benavides’s [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] mind since he is a very busy individual searching for a new stadium site, and you know, trying to get the reality tv show off the ground. Still, sometimes I feel out of the official loop. Sure, I am a lone wolf type, but communication is imperative over a full season.
I am thinking we should just keep Allan in the dark of our plans for my visit, which should include a trip to Spokane with the Ems and visits to the finest golf courses in nearby western Idaho. I am too old to ride a team bus, so perhaps it should be just you and I on the open highway, exchanging stories of the road like two grizzled minor league veterans are known to do. We could have cameras rolling, and create our own social media sensation. Or we could just find a dark bar and drink hard liquor until the sun reaches an appropriate position in the sky.
When I am in Eugene, I think it is imperative that I meet local politicians with semblance of clout. I know Allan is a little hesitant about me talking shop with lawmakers, but he is just going to have to trust me. I once tamed former US Senator Barbara Boxer — eventually I had to let her down easy because we did not have a realistic future. It is a shame that youth is wasted on the young. But I digress. I think you should talk to my good pal Kennedy Schull [Director of Tickets] to reserve a luxury box to entertain the mayor and a contingent of local tavern owners. Perhaps we should invite the Governor also. Have Kennedy put the suite on the city council’s tab.
Of course every trip to PK Park must include a visit to the press box, especially since my media credentials finally came through. I know during home games the press box is Matt Dompe’s [Assistant General Manager] turf, but I bet all three of us could squeeze it to do an ESPN type broadcast for an inning or two before I rush to the beer gardens. PK Park does have beer gardens, correct? If not, a construction project needs to start tomorrow.
Allan had mentioned some sort of parade in my honor, but I think that is a little ostentatious even for me. Perhaps we can complete the Bads85 Beer Mile, where I, along with participating fans, walk four laps on the field, drinking a beer on each lap. All proceeds will go to Ems’ charities, including Alex Stimson’s graduate school/golf fund. Maybe a mobile tattoo parlor can be set up on home plate, and Sluggo can get “Mama” on his bicep. Maybe the front office staff can get matching Squatch tattoos. I plan on visiting Eugene Country Club on this trip to inquire about becoming a National Member, so I will probably pass on the tattoo.
You are probably wondering what traveling companions will be accompanying me. The Cactus League Crew? The California League Crew? The golfing contingent? An overlap of all of them? Well, that would be much easier to answer if I knew what the July promotion schedule looked like — and the nightly beer prices. I can say that most of the degenerates of Section 102 at San Manuel Stadium will not be making the trip because their probation regulations do not allow them to cross state lines, plus I try to limit my travels with beautiful people. As soon as I get some concrete details form the Ems; end, I can provide you with some numbers of baseball pilgrims making the trip.
Hey. since the Eugene/Springfield is such a rocking time i the summer, lodging might be a bit of a problem. I am sure a man of your vast connections has some solutions so I am not pitching a tent in a hobo camp. I really should looking into buying real easy in the area so this is not a problem in the future. After all, Eugene is my second home now.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
PS: Does Oregon have any weird liquor laws I need to know about? South Carolina certainly did.