Missive from Bads85: Calling Bob Costas: Why Not Eugene?

A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 was not shy in 2021 about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large.

Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails into our spam folders, Allan Benavides executed a command decision and hired Bads85 as a full-time employee with the Ems for 2023 and beyond. Only time will tell if this was a brilliant decision, or sheer folly. In the meantime, Bads85 continues to share missives.

Dear Bob Costas [Famous Sports Announcer]:

I would like to apologize for our organization’s Twitter feed that was directed at you last night. It seems like an inexperienced intern somehow got a hold of the Twitter log in at our front office barbecue yesterday. Imagine our embarrassment. I assure you this young employee has been properly disciplined. He was not even alive when a legend like yourself pimped Punky Brewster at a crucial time in Game Seven of the 1997 World Series.

We would like you to come the gorgeous Eugene, Oregon to call one of our games this summer. We might even have a Bobblehead Night in your honor. Right now, Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] wants to have a Randy Savage in a Baseball Uniform Night, and our promotions’ department is about to riot. Having an icon like yourself in our midst would surely placate this bloodthirsty staff and ensure happy hours on Friday at the world famous The Cooler are enjoyable again.

Have you ever done the play by play for a professional wrestling event? We have having a wrestling night promo this season (sans Randy Savage bobblehead), and it would be great if you could take over those duties that special night. Perhaps you could don some tights and take on Allan Benavides, who has been known to lead the Monday morning staff meeting in South Eugene High School singlet.

Did you know the Eugene Emeralds are creating a reality television series? If you call one of our games, I am sure you would have a brief part in one of our episodes. We cannot give you too much screen time because our show is going to be filled to the brim with hilarious hijinks of a MiLB club trying to run normal game day operations while trying to get a new stadium built. I mean, we are much funnier that you, Bob, and we have to give the fans want they want.

You are probably thinking, “Bads85, I get requests form minor league baseball teams all the time to announce their games. Why should I choose the Emeralds?” For starters, Eugene is beautiful. Most importantly, we can reshape your legacy with the younger fans who have never heard of Late Night with Bob Costas. We will make you appear cool and hip to the younger folk. You might even become a TikTok sensation. At the very least, you will dance a great deal, and that is always good for the soul.

Hey, did you know there is a Bob Costas drinking game in which participants have to have a shot whenever you mention Mickey Mantle in a post season broadcast? I must say, you have kept people remarkably sober during this series. Please continue to do so.

I need to check on the intern that is being undergoing sensitivity training. Sometimes our staff is a bit too zealous with their admonishments. I am all about character building through positive reinforcement. Build people up I say, and then teach them to land softly when the eventual fall comes. See you in Eugene this summer!

Your friend in baseball,

Bads85