Top 10 upcoming promotions

Springfield Cardinals (Texas League)
Replica Championship Rings Giveaway
Wednesday, May 9 vs. Wichita Wranglers
The Springfield Cardinals have not won a league championship during their brief existence, but that's okay. The St. Louis Cardinals, Springfield's parent club, are the reigning World Champions. The baby Cardinals will celebrate the success of their Major League counterparts on Wednesday by giving replica St. Louis Cardinals World Championship rings to the first 1,250 fans in attendance. Those who arrive late to the game will no doubt feel a jealous anger when they see what they missed out on, but there's no reason to despair. The club will also be distributing 1,250 replica rings on May 29, June 5 and August 13. That's a grand total of 5,000 rings, for those not willing or able to do the math.

Wilmington Blue Rocks (Carolina League)
Mr. Celery Bobbleheads
Thursday, May 10 vs. Lynchburg Hillcats
One of the most popular (and inexplicable) mascots in all of Minor League Baseball is the Blue Rocks' Mr. Celery, a 7-foot-tall anthropomorphic vegetable who is pretty much exactly what his name implies. There's no use trying to figure out why the Blue Rocks have such a mascot, as the team readily admits that it doesn't make much sense. So just jump on the bandwagon and make sure to attend be Thursday's game at Frawley Stadium. The first 1,250 fans through the turnstiles will receive a Mr. Celery bobblehead, an utterly perfect piece of pop culture ephemera.

Hagerstown Suns (South Atlantic League)
Donald vs. Rosie Night
Friday, May 11 vs. West Virginia Power
The Suns' website offers this nugget of wisdom: "When a celebrity dispute reaches a boiling point, the only sensible means to settle the argument is through a contest at a Minor League Baseball game in Hagerstown, Maryland." Therefore, Friday is "Donald vs. Rosie Night" at Municipal Stadium, in which fans vote on who is the superior celebrity. In a bit of altruistic extortion, those who wish to vote can only do so by purchasing a pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbon. The results will be announced upon the conclusion of the game, and fireworks will follow. But that's not all! The Suns will be celebrating celebrity feuds all game long, with trivia relating to memorable battles such as Hilton vs. Ritchie and Oprah vs. Letterman.

Hickory Crawdads (South Atlantic League)
Beach Raft Giveaway
Friday, May 11 vs. Delmarva Shorebirds
If you're ever stranded on a desert island, a bobblehead isn't going to help you escape your potentially life-threatening predicament. Neither will a cap, T-shirt, jersey, wristband, figurine or any other typical Minor League promotional item. But a beach raft will, and thank goodness the always-innovative Crawdads are doing their best to make sure their fans own these inflatable godsends. The first 1,000 fans in attendance at Friday's game will receive their very own rafts, so arrive as early as possible. Your life may depend on it.

Jacksonville Suns (Southern League)
The Players Championship
Friday, May 11 vs. Birmingham Barons
From Thursday through Sunday, Jacksonville will once again be hosting the Players Championship golf tournament. The annual event, which features virtually all of the world's top-ranked golfers, coincides with a Suns' homestand this season. This, of course, means it time for golf-related promotions! All week, fans who present a Players Championship ticket stub at the Suns box office will receive half-price admission. Even more enticingly, any individual with a ticket stub and an out-of-state driver's license will be given free admission as well as a free hot dog. The Suns' southern hospitality culminates on Friday, when the team holds a "Players Championship" of its own, as players and coaches compete in a pre-game charity golf tournament.

Charlotte Knights (International League)
"Pink Knights"
Saturday, May 12 vs. Norfolk Tides
The Knights will be pretty in pink during Saturday's contest against the Tides, as the team's players and coaching staff will all wear eye-catching pink uniforms. After the game, these unorthodox yet becoming duds will be auctioned off to raise money for breast cancer research. Additionally, the first 1,000 fans in attendance will receive pink baseballs, and a fireworks display will conclude the night's festivities. Rumors that pop superstar Pink will be in attendance are unsubstantiated.

Myrtle Beach Pelicans (Carolina League)
Dave the Horn Guy Performance
Saturday, May 12 vs. Frederick Keys
The unstoppable force that is Dave the Horn Guy will roll into the Pelicans' Coastal Federal Field on Friday for a show that is sure to shock and amaze. Jaws will drop as Dave makes sweet music by squeezing the 25 chromatically tuned horn bulbs attached to his body, in a performance that often climaxes with streams of confetti being shot into the crowd from his turbo-charged jetpack. What more could you ask for from a ballpark performer? This is the future of entertainment.

Trenton Thunder (Eastern League)
Pink Replica Thunder Jersey Giveaway
Sunday, May 13 vs. New Britain Rock Cats
What better way to honor Mom than by taking her to this Saturday's Thunder game? The first 1,000 women in attendance will receive pink replica Thunder jerseys, a unique item that allows the wearer to maintain her femininity while still declaring a fervent love of our national pastime. What is it about our nation's current obsession with pink? It's very much part of the zeitgeist, a word that we here at Promo Preview have been looking for an excuse to use for quite some time now.

Vero Beach Devil Rays (Florida State League)
"Squeeze Me" T-Shirt Giveaway
Monday, May 14 vs. Daytona Cubs
The Devil Rays' mascot is the inimitable Squeeze, an anthropomorphic orange with impressive baseball skills and a megawatt smile. Surprisingly, given his massive popularity in the Vero Beach region, the club has never given away any Squeeze promotional merchandise. That changes on Monday, when the first 500 fans to arrive at Holman Stadium receive T-shirts that feature Squeeze's beaming countenance above the words "Squeeze Me." And make no mistake -- wearers of this shirt will undoubtedly be squeezed. Because when a piece of clothing tells you to do something, you must obey.

Fort Myers Miracle (Florida State League)
Shrek the Third Night
Tuesday, May 15 vs. Clearwater Threshers
On Friday, May 18, the film Shrek the Third is scheduled to open in theaters across the land. This little-known, low-budget gem of a film needs all the promotional help it can get, so the always altruistic Fort Myers Miracle have decided to hold a Shrek the Third Night in order to get the word out. The club will hold a Shrek lookalike contest, a Shrek dance contest and give away Shrek-related merchandise. All this Shrek-themed activity will finally culminate in an appearance by Shrek himself. That's a lot of Shrek, but you can handle it.