All I want for Christmas is ...

As we all know, Santa Claus is a very busy man at this time of year. The big guy is responsible for fulfilling the gift requests of millions of children across the globe, and that's a full-time job in and of itself.

Therefore, Santa rarely (if ever) gets the opportunity to respond to the dozens of missives he receives each year from those who work for Minor League Baseball teams. But these denizens of the front office are an optimistic (some would say "deluded") bunch. Each and every December, they faithfully write to the North Pole's most famous resident with the hope that this year will be different, and that when they swing by the ballpark on Christmas morning they'll find that all their professional hopes and dreams have finally been realized.

And who knows? Maybe this will be the year it finally happens. Like the late Tug McGraw was so fond of saying -- "Ya Gotta Believe!"

But regardless of the end result, we here at MiLB.com (specifically, me) thought it would be interesting to share some of these Minor League letters to Santa with the general public. So, I got in touch with many of the industry's best and brightest, and asked them to share their 2008 Christmas wish lists. Now, in turn, we are able to share them with you.

As befits a business that prides itself on its diversity and originality, the 20 letters to Santa that poured into my inbox varied wildly in their approach. While many front-office staffs took the tried-and-true approach and simply compiled a list of requests, others used illustrations and photos to bolster their argument. Apparently there are quite a few teams who think the fastest way to Santa's heart is through the funny bone, as humor was a common weapon in the gift-request arsenal as well (or, at least attempts at humor).

Therefore, we are treated to the Tri-City ValleyCats and their doctored stadium photo, the Lowell Spinners' request for a very specific sort of toilet paper, and the newly-rechristened Visalia Rawhides' desire to stage memorable cow-milking contests. The Wisconsin Timber Rattlers went into great detail regarding the sort of weather they required on Opening Day, while the Reading Phillies took it a step further and asked for sunshine during each and every one of their 71 home dates. The Fort Myers Miracle recognized the implausibility of that scenario, so they instead sought some tarp-pulling help. And speaking of miracles, the Corpus Christi Hooks' biggest Christmas Wish was to build a field on behalf of the Miracle League.

There may be no "I" in team, but the Midland RockHounds would like for there to be a "Wii". And when it comes to new additions to the team roster, the Orem Owlz dared to dream that a certain New York Jets quarterback may one day suit up for them. But this request was nowhere near as surprising as the Williamsport CrossCutters and their head-scratching desire to see more articles written by yours truly. But perhaps an even more unorthodox request was made by the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, who recognize the inherent comedic value in watching "slightly overweight middle-aged males" make fools of themselves on the baseball diamond. And let's not forget the Birmingham Barons, who showed their capacity for outside-of-the-box thinking by requesting a "Field of Dreams"-inspired ballgame at legendary Rickwood Field.

Another common (and imminently sensible) strategy was to have the team mascot craft the letter to Santa. These barely-literate, but highly enthusiastic, costumed characters project a child-like sense of wonder and naivety on a nightly basis, traits that are highly in line with the spirit of Christmas. West Michigan's Crash the River Rascal showed off his emerging hand-writing skills, while Skipper of the Lake County Captains displayed an equal longing for over-sized shoes and female companionship. And, of course, it is entirely fitting that the Fresno Grizzlies' widely-celebrated mascot Parker believes that he is deserving of his own custom-made, rally-starting toilet seat.

Finally, these letters serve as yet another reminder that Minor League front offices are home to a disproportionate amount of aspiring wordsmiths. No fewer than five teams, each representing a different league and level of play, chose to convey their Christmas wishes in the form of a poem or song parody. So, kudos to the Toledo Mud Hens, Huntsville Stars, Myrtle Beach Pelicans, Quad Cities River Bandits, and Vancouver Canadians for getting in touch with their inner Shakespeares. What is it about the holiday season that inspires people to communicate in rhyming couplets?

That, perhaps, is a question for another day. After all, there will be much time to ponder such matters during the four months that remain of the long, cold, offseason. For now, simply enjoy this vast and unprecedented collection of Minor League letters to Santa.

Happy Holidays!