Promo Preview: Dropping the 'Hammer'

Altoona Curve (Eastern League)
Redundancy Night — June 9
In writing up this promotion, the temptation to be redundant shall be resisted. Here's what's going on: Free admission to identical twins as well as all individuals who are of a redundant age (e.g., "22"), those possessing a double digit at the end of their birth year, people hailing from repetitive cities (such as Jersey City, New Jersey) and anyone whose first and last names are nearly the same (e.g., "John Johnson"). Meanwhile, broken records will be given away, the same between-inning contest will be held all evening, all batters will be announced twice, the same song will be used for all walk-up music, promotions director Matt Hoover will get a pie to the face after every inning, and broken records will be given away.

Dunedin Blue Jays (Florida State League)
The Next Karate Kid Night — June 10
Did you know that a new Karate Kid movie is about to come out? I wouldn't have, if not for the Dunedin Blue Jays and their edifying "Next Karate Kid Night." In honor of this much-anticipated cinematic event, the team will be having local karate students perform between innings, and any fan named Daniel (the first "Karate Kid") or 'Dre (the current "Kid") gets in free. But even better will be the quest to find the "Next Karate Kid" at the ballpark. Aspirants to this title will compete in a series of elimination contests, such as dodging tennis balls thrown by the mascot, chopping No. 2 pencils, waxing dirty bases and navigating through a baseball bat obstacle course. The tension, it will be palpable.

Fort Myers Miracle (Florida State League)
Wine, Women and Baseball — June 10
Wine, women and baseball are what make life worth living, so why not celebrate them at the ballpark? The Miracle's motivation for this spectacularly named promo is to indoctrinate female fans to the ways of baseball by having them participate in a "Baseball 101" session with Miracle manager Jake Mauer and the imminently eligible bachelor duo of pitcher Bruce Pugh and catcher Dan Rohlfing (who wouldn't get a charge out of that battery?). Meanwhile, there will be a "women's only" autograph session in the dugout before the game, and during the evening ladies will be invited to sit in on the radio broadcast and help out the grounds crew. And let's not forget that there will be wine sampling stations on the concourse. That's crucial.

Memphis Redbirds (Pacific Coast League)
Rhino and Hammer Giveaway — June 10
Ode to Clapping — June 11
The Redbirds' opponent on Thursday are the Iowa Cubs, who are piloted by Hall of Famer Ryne Sandberg. The Redbirds, meanwhile, are managed by Chris "Hammer" Maloney. In honor of this duo, fans can enter into a drawing for a Sandberg-signed toy rhino and a Maloney-signed hammer. The round of applause for that innovative giveaway will carry over into the next evening's "Ode to Clapping" promotion, whose giveaways include Eric Clapton albums and infomercial legend "The Clapper" (don't worry, no one will get "The Clap"). Meanwhile, patty cake will be played on the concourse, Stubby Clapp bobbleheads will be given away, and those wishing to practice their golf clap can win tickets to an upcoming tournament. If you're happy and you know it, you know what to do.

Wisconsin Timber Rattlers (Midwest League)
Salute to Cows — June 10
Fang Race Car Bobblehead — June 13
The Timber Rattlers are based in the heart of dairy country, so you know they're going to milk their "Salute to Cows" promo for all its worth. Highlights include cows on display outside of the ballpark, complimentary cheese samples, cereal bowl giveaways and, best of all, a mooing contest. To sum it up, it'll be an evening of Holstein family fun. A mere three days later, the team will give away an item that highlights their mascot's ability to transcend the limitations of his limbless existence. The first 1,000 fans in attendance receive a figurine featuring Fang, the team's snake mascot, driving a NAPA race car. How he is able to pull off such a feat is truly a mystery for the ages.

Peoria Chiefs (Midwest League)
Greg Maddux's Number Retired — June 11
Fergie Jenkins Appearance and Dueling Pianos Night — June 12
Greg Maddux's first full professional season was in 1985, and the future Hall of Famer showed his enormous potential by going 13-9 with a 3.19 ERA over 27 starts. A quarter century later, Maddux will return to Peoria to see his No. 31 retired as part of a pregame ceremony. Another pitching great will be in attendance the next night as Fergie Jenkins stops by to sign autographs in exchange for a $20 charitable donation. This evening will be augmented by a truly original entertainment component -- dueling pianos. Between each and every inning, the ivory will be tickled atop the dugouts by master practitioners of the piano-dueling craft, and there will also be a rowdy post-game concert.

Oklahoma RedHawks (Pacific Coast League)
Smokin' Joe Frazier Appearance — June 12
Practitioners of the Sweet Science don't come any more accomplished than Smokin' Joe Frazier, the former heavyweight champion of the world. Best known for his iconic series of bouts against Muhammad Ali, Frazier will visit Bricktown Ballpark on Saturday to sign autographs for the fans in attendance. There's a limit of only one autograph per person, so if you want more than that then I'm a Frazier out of luck. Apologies for the previous sentence, but after hitting rock bottom in the joke department, there's nowhere to go but up.

West Michigan Whitecaps (Midwest League)
Wingstock featuring Snoop Dogg and Jackyl — June 12
The Whitecaps are out of town Saturday, but there will be a concert at Fifth Third Ballpark that day featuring one of the greatest, most idiosyncratic musical billings of all time: Snoop Dogg and Jackyl. That's right -- an iconic West Coast gangsta rapper will be preceded by the preeminent practitioners of Ted Nugent-inspired chainsaw hair metal. The combination of the two, at a Minor League Ballpark, will serve as a succinct summation of what it is to be an American in the 21st century.

Trenton Thunder (Eastern League)
World Cup Baby Race and Soccer Ball Giveaway — June 13
World Cup mania is consuming the rest of the world, though the United States can barely manage an indifferent shrug. The Trenton Thunder are helping to overcome this apathy by combining soccer with something everyone can agree on: babies. Immediately before the start of Sunday's ballgame, four babies will be randomly assigned one of the four Group C World Cup countries (United States, England, Algeria and Slovenia), then race toward a waiting parent. In addition to predicting the World Cup Group C outcome, the baby will receive a soccer ball signed by the entire Thunder ballclub. The first 1,000 fans will also receive soccer balls, although those particular spheroids won't feature the John Hancocks of a Minor League Baseball squad.

Reading Phillies (Eastern League)
Morning Game — June 14
A lot of ballclubs stage school-year education games that are held in the late morning, but it's the Reading Phillies that take the concept of an a.m. ballgame to its most extreme level. The team's annual morning game caters to night-shift workers and retirees, and boasts a 9:35 a.m. start time. Fans will want to get to the ballpark earlier than that, as free hot dogs and coffee will be distributed between 7:00 and 8:30 while fitness-minded seniors take a pregame stroll around the warning track. Finally, the first 2,000 fans in attendance receive an R-Phils coffee mug, the perfect receptacle for the caffeine necessary to properly enjoy a baseball game played at a ludicrously early hour of the day.

Bonus Coverage — Because writing allows me to avoid everything else going on in my life, here are seven promotions that could have been featured in last week's column -- should have been, but weren't:

Toy Hall of Fame Night (Bowling Green Hot Rods — June 2): The team gave away some of the products that have been inducted into this hallowed shrine, such as Play-DOH, Mr. Potato Head and Crayola crayons.

Yadda Yadda Yadda Night (Tulsa Drillers — June 2): This tribute to Seinfeld featured the erection of a Festivus pole, donations to the Human Fund, obscure trivia and on-field character impersonations.

Howard Kellman's 5000th Game (Indianapolis Indians — June 4): One of Minor League Baseball's most well-known broadcasters celebrated a significant milestone.

Sausage Fest (Lake County Captains — June 4-6): Classic Park featured more links than a Wi-Fi-enabled golf course.

Chris P. Bacon Bobblehead Giveaway (Lehigh Valley IronPigs — June 7): Mr. Bacon is one of three interlocking pork racers the team is giving away this season, so that fans may stage their own sprinting meat competitions.

Stephen Strasburg Pro Debut Commemorative Poster (Altoona Curve — June 8): On the same day as Strasburg's Major League debut, the Curve gave away a poster commemorating the April start in Altoona that began his professional career.

There is No "I" In A-Team (Charleston RiverDogs — June 8): An enduring tribute to B.A. Baracus and his fellow soldiers of fortune.