Missive from Bads85: Office Spaces, Pizza and Monster Trucks

A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 was not shy in 2021 about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large.

Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails into our spam folders, Allan Benavides executed a command decision and hired Bads85 as a full-time employee with the Ems for 2023 and beyond. Only time will tell if this was a brilliant decision, or sheer folly. In the meantime, Bads85 continues to share missives.

Dear Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds]:

I have been a full time Emeralds’ employee at PK Park for almost a week now, and have grave concerns about when I will be getting my own private office. While I certainly enjoy working closely with my fellow front office staffers, we deserve the standard perks MiLB employees receive across the leagues. At first, I thought our current office quarters are a temporary thing, perhaps a result of a native bug infestation of our regular office spaces. Now, I am not so sure. However, I am sure you are inquiring about concrete solutions though proper channels, so I will concentrate on improving the fan experience at the greatest stadium in the Northwest League.

Also, are you sure pizza delivery people can find our offices? I would hate to think of a poor Domino’s driver circling the premises searching for the entrance of the back to back Northwest League champion’s from offices. I prefer my pizza cheese hotter than my crust, and the thought of the cheese on the pizza I paid for slowly losing its elasticity in the back of a Kia while the driver searchers for our office entrance has been keeping me awake deep into the night. To make up for my lack of sleep, I have been chugging copious amounts of Red Bull, which my doctor says is not good for my heart or blood pressure.

Have you ever thought of having monster truck drag races before Em’s games down Martin Luther King Boulevard? It is perfectly straight street with no speed bumps. You are probably asking yourself, “Bads85 ,what do monster trucks and drag racing have to do with baseball?” Not much, Allan, but speed and the roar of internal combustion engines sell concessions. Plus, little kids would love to see Sluggo in monster truck (think of the merchandising possibilities), especially if Sluggo were racing a dinosaur in the other truck. If the dinosaur’s truck were to explode in a giant fireball, how the children would roar!

Anyway, I have many other missives to write as MiLB is abuzz with the Ems’ bringing me on full time, plus Eugene city council members keep calling me about a parade. Local media outlets also keep contacting me about a possible upcoming Ems’ from office reality show, so I am kinds of stretched thin right now. I will talk to you in the office tomorrow, and remember, it is quite acceptable for two old friends to hug in greeting.

Your friend in baseball,

Bads85

PS: You should really should buy my wonderful co-workers some ice cream or something.