Missive from Bads85: Typos, Hot Tubs, and Welcome to Eugene...

A mysterious, unofficial Minor League Ambassador known only as Bads85 was not shy in 2021 about sharing his thoughts with us (specifically, our General Manager Allan Benavides) on a wide array of issues pertaining to the Ems, MiLB, and the game of baseball at-large.

Rather than simply diverting his unrelenting e-mails into our spam folders, Allan Benavides executed a command decision and hired Bads85 as a full-time employee with the Ems for 2023 and beyond. Only time will tell if this was a brilliant decision, or sheer folly. In the meantime, Bads85 continues to share missives.

Dear Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds}:

I am very sure I was quite clear that I needed an editor with my tenure with the Emeralds since I am such a busy man these days, and former editor left for college near the beach in San Diego. Imagine my embarrassment when one of my new co-workers noted the typos in my last missive. I know you firmly believe that genius is not tarnished by typos, but not everyone feels that way, and it is my goal to please everyone because that is just the way I roll. After all, I am a giver.

Perhaps we can hire an extra staff member to ensure this does not happen again in the future. I mean, we are saving money because you fired our office cleaning service. I am sure my beloved co-workers will not mind continuing to clean up after themselves like common serfs to ensure my missives are properly proofread with eyes better than mine.

Hey, have you talked to Kyle Day [General Manager; Spokane Indians] lately? I imagine he is pretty broken up that I did not come work for his organization instead of the Ems. I hope he is getting through this tough time of his, but I am just a bit too busy to check in on him at this time, especially since his organization failed to reach the post season. When you speak to him, tell him that to land Bads85, bold steps are needed, and hesitation results in loss.

Do strangers on the streets of Eugene approach you to ask, “Will the new stadium have hot tubs?”, or is that just me? I must say, the fine citizens of Eugene certainly have welcomed me with open arms this past week, except for that deranged scuba diver who could not find the tuna cans at Albertson’s. I tried to be of assistance, but some people are beyond help. I did tell him that the Hillsboro Hops are hiring.

The Cart Girl at Shadow Hills Country Club asked me today if I were a madman because I left sunny Southern California for Eugene, and I had to pause. Suppose she is right? Just who packs up and moves to the Emerald Valley in the infancy of his retirement to take a gig with a minor league baseball club? Someone who believes in Eugene’s potential that is who! Who is she to question me! I might not be as fleet as foot as when I was a younger man, but I can still bring the heat. Speaking of which, how large is our budget for restroom supplies?

Your friend in baseball,

Bads85