Top 10 upcoming promotions

Mahoning Valley Scrappers (New York-Penn League)
Redneck Games w/ Teeth Giveaway (Thursday, July 5 vs. Jamestown Jammers)
Classic TV Night w/ Christopher Knight (Monday, July 9 vs. Lowell Spinners)
Hot on the heels of last week's "Mike Tyson Ear Giveaway" in Fort Myers, the Scrappers are distributing "Redneck Teeth" to fans who attend Thursday's game. These wonderful items will lend an air of legitimacy to the club's "Redneck Games," a variety of backwoods-themed competitions taking place throughout the evening. Four days later, the Scrappers will welcome actor Christopher Knight (aka Peter Brady) to the ballpark. The legendary thespian -- who has recently enjoyed a renaissance of sorts due to appearances on the VH1 reality shows "Surreal Life" and "My Fair Brady" -- will throw out the first pitch, sign autographs and, hopefully, pose for pictures while wearing redneck teeth.

Princeton Devil Rays (Appalachian League)
Clean Out the Storeroom Night
Thursday, July 5 vs. Johnson City Cardinals
There is no greater thrill than that of the unknown, especially when it comes to Minor League Baseball promotions. The walk from the parking lot to the turnstiles often instills a sense of giddy anticipation in fans, as they contemplate the wacky and wondrous things that lurk just inside the stadium. This feeling will be even greater than usual on Thursday in Princeton, as it's "Clean Out the Storeroom Night." On this magical evening, fans will be able to choose from a wide array of leftover promotional items, and your guess is as good as mine when it comes to what may be available. A 1993 schedule magnet? A broken Carl Crawford bobblehead doll? Expired Taco Bell coupons? The possibilities are endless.

Spokane Indians (Northwest League)
Let It Rain Night
Thursday, July 5 vs. Vancouver Canadians
Baseball fans usually root against rain as reliably as Itchy roots against Scratchy. The Indians are turning this time-honored truism on its head on Thursday, however, as they are hosting a "Let it Rain" promotion. If at least 1/10th of an inch of rain falls prior to that evening's contest, one lucky fan will win $10,000. According to weather.com, Spokane averages .76 inches of rainfall in the month of July, so those 10 Gs are well within reach. It is worth noting that this promotion has nothing to do with "making it rain." That is an entirely different phenomenon.

Hagerstown Suns (South Atlantic League)
Nora Roberts Bobblehead Giveaway
Friday, July 6 vs. Delmarva Shorebirds
For those who don't know, Nora Roberts is one of the world's bestselling authors. The ultra-prolific romance novelist has written more than 150 books and was recently named one of Time magazine's "100 Most Influential People." But, despite this success, she had nothing meaningful to show for it...until now, that is. On Friday, the Suns will immortalize Roberts with her very own bobblehead doll, 1,000 of which will be given away prior to that evening's contest against the Shorebirds. Roberts, a Maryland native, will be at the game to throw out the first pitch and sign autographs. Neither of those activities could be called "romantic," but at least it shows an admirable willingness to work outside the trappings of the genre.

Reading Phillies (Eastern League)
Mike Schmidt Bobblehead Giveaway/Mini-Kiss Concert/Wedding Vow Renewals
Friday, July 6 vs. Erie SeaWolves
Minor League Baseball promotions are often geared toward kids. On Friday, however, the R-Phillies have several promotions planned, all for a target audience that falls well out of the Spongebob Squarepants demographic. First, adults 21 and over will receive a bobblehead of Hall of Famer (and 1971 Reading Phillie) Mike Schmidt. Then, all married couples are invited to renew their wedding vows in a romantic pre-game ceremony. Finally, the evening's musical entertainment is the legendary Mini-Kiss, described as "the world's No. 1 little people Kiss tribute band." (Does that mean they have competition?) Mini-Kiss will rock FirstEnergy Stadium with both pre- and post-game concerts, and fans are encouraged to "paint their faces and dress in their best Kiss attire."

Auburn Doubledays (New York-Penn League)
Useless Skills Olympics
Saturday, July 7 vs. Aberdeen IronBirds
Much like the "Insignificant Events" promotions that are staged by several teams each season, the Doubledays' "Useless Skills Olympics" is a night-long celebration of the inconsequential (like attending a debate of third-party presidential candidates). Contestants will battle in games of skill throughout the evening, such as paper-airplane flying, jacks, cherry-pit spitting, bubble-gum blowing and a host of other meaningless endeavors. Winners will be awarded a variety of useless prizes, such as chia heads and the Clapper, but the adulation they receive from the overflowing Falcon Park crowd is sure to be the greatest prize of all.

Stockton Ports (California League)
Samson Bobblehead Giveaway
Saturday, July 7 vs. Lancaster JetHawks
On Saturday, the Ports will give away a bobblehead bearing the likeness of a man known for superhuman feats of strength. No, the doll is not of steroid-era Mark McGwire. That would be ridiculous. The Ports are actually honoring biblical hero Samson as part of their annual "Faith Night" celebration. The dolls feature a smiling, ultra-confident Samson, sporting a mullet and outfitted in a snug "God's Gym" T-shirt. It is possible that the Ports took some liberties with this clothing choice, as parody T-shirts aren't mentioned anywhere in the Old Testament.

Delmarva Shorebirds (South Atlantic League)
Dodgeball Giveaway
Sunday, July 8 vs. Lakewood BlueClaws
Is there a better way to release pent-up aggression than with a friendly game of dodgeball? If so, I've never heard of it. But in order to play dodgeball, one needs to own a dodgeball, and that is something many of us lack. That's where the always-innovative Shorebirds step in. On Sunday, the club will do a great public service by giving away dodgeballs to fans in attendance. This forward-thinking promotion insures that pent-up aggression in the Delmarva region will soon be a thing of the past.

Brooklyn Cyclones (New York-Penn League)
Ralph Branca Appearance (Sunday, July 8 vs. Jamestown Jammers)
Irish Night w/ Gerry Cooney (Monday, July 9 vs. Jamestown Jammers)
In 1951, Brooklyn Dodgers pitcher Ralph Branca surrendered Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard the World," a game-winning home run that catapulted the New York Giants to the National League pennant. On Sunday, the 81-year-old Branca will visit Coney Island's KeySpan Park along with Joshua Prager, author of the The Echoing Green. Prager's book meticulously details how the Giants stole the Dodgers' signs for the two pitches Branca threw to Thomson in his legendary at-bat, although Thomson claims he had no knowledge of what pitch was coming. One day later, the Cyclones are hosting "Irish Night." In addition to giving away 2,000 green T-shirts, the club is welcoming former heavyweight championship contender Gerry Cooney to the ballpark to pose for picture, sign autographs and beat up chumps.

Lake County Captains (South Atlantic League)
Joe Jurevicius Bobblehead Giveaway
Sunday, July 8 vs. Hagerstown Suns
NFL wide receiver Joe Jurevicius signed a four-year contract with the Cleveland Browns prior to the 2006 season, fulfilling a lifelong dream to play for his perpetually terrible hometown team. The nine-year veteran's decision to play in the state in which he grew up has made him a local icon. As we all know, anyone in this great country who has achieved iconic status is deserving of their very own bobblehead doll. The Captains will do just this on Sunday, as the Cleveland Indians' affiliate is distributing Jurevicius bobbleheads to the first 2,000 fans in attendance.