Top 10 upcoming promotions

Greeneville Astros (Appalachian League)
Follow the Yellow Brick Road Night
Thursday, July 26 vs. Johnson City Cardinals
It is really quite amazing that 68 years after the release of The Wizard of Oz, the opportunity still exists to see one of the original Munchkins make a promotional appearance at a Rookie-level Minor League Baseball game. That is just what will be happening Thursday night in Greeneville, as Mickey Carroll, one of seven living Munchkins, will throw out the honorary first pitch, in addition to singing the national anthem (!!!). Astros' staff will help create a familiar backdrop for the 88-year-old Carroll's appearance by dressing as the cast of "The Wizard of Oz," and precautions will be taken to deter a flying monkey attack.

Akron Aeros (Eastern League)
I Love the 80s Night
Saturday, July 28 vs. Altoona Curve
The Aeros aren't messing around when it comes to Saturday's "I Love the 80s Night," which is more evocative of the Reagan-era than a Mary Lou Retton Wheaties box and a "Where's the Beef" T-shirt combined. Tickets will cost just $8, which includes a pre-game 80s concert and the opportunity to get your picture taken with both K.I.T.T. (Knight Rider) and the General Lee (Dukes of Hazzard). The Aeros will wear throwback 80s jerseys during the game, and a huge Pac-Man pattern will be mowed into the field (fans wishing to play that classic video game can compete in a tournament on the team's video board). Last but not least, a mullet contest will take place. Minor League teams just cannot resist mullet contests.

Casper Rockies (Pioneer League)
Spoof Night
Saturday, July 28 vs. Ogden Raptors
The Rockies' "Spoof Night" is dedicated to subverting preconceived notions regarding what takes place during an evening at the ballpark. For example, the game's first pitch will have a player from one team on the mound, throwing a ball to a fan behind the plate. Team mascot Hobart, meanwhile, will stage a race against an adult while wearing the opposing team's jersey (and he might actually win!). Fans are encouraged to come to the ballpark dressed as their favorite celebrities, and an in-game talent show will take place (with the winner receiving a yet-to-be-determined prize). Finally, representatives from the local Casper Journal will bring portable printers to the ballpark, so that fans can create "spoof" headlines for the game that they just witnessed.

Syracuse Chiefs (International League)
Soap Opera Saturday with David Fumero (Saturday, July 28 vs. Buffalo Bisons)
Moustache Night (Sunday, July 29 vs. Buffalo Bisons)
The Chiefs' popular "Soap Opera Saturday" series returns this weekend, as they welcome "One Life to Live" star David Fumero to Alliance Bank Stadium. From 1998-2003, Fumero played the character of "Christian Vega" on the popular show. He returned the next year as a surgically altered Christian doppelganger who had been duped into committing a murder. As it turned out, however, that doppelganger had been the real Christian all along. You see, it was just that he had developed amnesia after being subjected to months of torture. Is anyone following this? I think it would just be better to attend Saturday's game and have Mr. Fumero get you up to speed on "One Life to Live" and its serpentine plot line. He'll also pose for pictures and sign autographs.

And, then, one day later, it's Mustache Night! I had placed a moratorium on covering mustache-related promotions in this column, as they've become quite prevalent this season. But an exception must be made for this one in Syracuse. You see, the Chiefs have Sal Fasano on their roster, a 35-year-old backup catcher with an intense, facial-hair-obsessed fan base. Those inspired by Sal can enter the "Syracuse's Best Mustache" contest, and the winner will receive an array of Fasano memorabilia. During between-inning breaks, fans will get the chance to win Fasano autographed baseballs by playing "Name That Famous Mustache." Finally, those lacking the ability or desire to grow a mustache of their own can simply have one painted on just by donating a dollar to a Fasano-approved charity.

Auburn Doubledays (New York-Penn League)
Dancin' Bill Jayne Bobblehead
Monday, July 30 vs. Jamestown Jammers
Bill Jayne is a longtime Doubledays fan who for years has entertained the Falcon Park faithful with his inimitable dance routines. He first made a name for himself by shaking his moneymaker to the strains of "Thank God I'm a Country Boy," and in recent years has often led the ballpark in the singing of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." On Monday, the Doubledays will immortalize Jayne by distributing 1,000 bobblehead dolls bearing his mustachioed, bespectacled likeness. (In other Doubleday news: The winning food dish in the club's recent "Falcon Park Chef Competition" was a spicy corn dog. This culinary favorite of heart surgeons, which is now available at the team's concession stands, is a hot dog dipped in nacho-chip batter and topped with cheese and jalapenos).

Mahoning Valley Scrappers (New York-Penn League)
County Fair Night
Monday, July 30 vs. State College Spikes
There is perhaps no aspect of summertime recreation planning that is more frustrating than having the local county fair conflict with highlights in the schedule of your favorite Minor League team. We've all been there, right? Fortunately, the Scrappers have found a solution to this vexing problem, as they are hosting "County Fair Night" on Monday. During this special evening, the usual between-inning games and entertainment will be replaced by cow-milking contests, hay-baling competitions, stick-horse racing, and intern steer-head lassoing. A lightning fast auctioneer will serve as the P.A. announcer, and county fair delicacies (fried coke, perhaps? ... can I get a spicy corn dog?) will be available at the concession stands.

Altoona Curve (Eastern League)
Awful Night V
Tuesday, July 31 vs. Reading Phillies
The Curve's annual "Awful Night" is pure genius, an elaborate deconstruction of typical Minor League fare that is an absolute must for all promotion aficionados. Legions of imitators have popped up over the years, but the Curve remain the gold standard when it comes to staging an evening of awfulness. What follows is a small sample of what's in store:

In-game promotions: Helium balloon toss, mascot race with no finish, infinite dizzy-bat race, dry slip-and-slide.

Food Specials: Fried chicken livers, hearts and gizzards; liverwurst and whipped cream sandwich; pickled pigs feet; peanut butter and onion sandwiches.

Etc: Awful giveaways (including 500 sporks), awful costumes worn by the Curve staff, and a post-game "Laaser Show" in which team employee Jon Laaser will dance with glow sticks.

Lowell Spinners (New York-Penn League)
Political Correctness Night
Tuesday, July 31 vs. Brooklyn Cyclones
Given the amount of travel involved, many New Englanders will sadly be unable to make the trip to Altoona for "Awful Night." Fortunately, a more common-sense option exists for those craving satirical Minor League promotional absurdity. It's "Political Correctness Night" in Lowell, and the Spinners have taken every precaution to ensure that no one in the ballpark will be offended by anything that takes place. For example, position players will be referred to in gender-neutral terms (the first baseman becomes the "first baseperson"). Bases will not be identified as first, second or third (rankings promote a sense of inferiority), and everyone who partakes in a between-inning contest will be awarded a participant trophy. It's only going to get more ridiculous from there.

Springfield Cardinals (Texas League)
1-Carat Diamond Giveaway
Tuesday, July 31 vs. Arkansas Travelers
The first 1,000 fans 21-and-over to pass through the turnstiles at Springfield's Hammons Field on Tuesday will be presented with their very own Cubic Zirconia. These beautiful minerals are virtually indistinguishable from diamonds, but nonetheless are no substitute for the real thing. One lucky fan, however, will receive a one-carat diamond instead of the Cubic Zirconia. In strict and crass pecuniary terms, this will be the equivalent of receiving approximately 2,300 bobbleheads or 4,750 team-logo seat cushions.

West Michigan Whitecaps (Midwest League)
Ty Cobb Bobblefoot
Tuesday, July 31 vs. Peoria Chiefs
In a prime example of mankind's remarkable ability to evolve and adapt, Minor League promotion directors keep finding new body parts that can be "bobbled." Just six days after the Stockton Ports' "Fonzie Bobble Arm" giveaway, the Whitecaps will be distributing 1,000 "Ty Cobb Bobblefoot Dolls" prior to Tuesday's contest against the Chiefs. These items -- fittingly sponsored by Foot and Ankle Specialists of West Michigan -- feature a determined-looking Cobb sliding into a base. His foot bobbles menacingly, no doubt looking for an opposing bobblefielder it can brutally spike.

Bonus Coverage!

There are so many promotions taking place this time of year that some gems will inevitably slip through the cracks. Here's brief rundown of some promos that didn't quite make it into last week's column, but could or should have.

World's Biggest Water Fight (Fresno Grizzles, July 21) -- This is at least the third "World's Biggest" water fight to take place in the Minors over the past two weeks. Can't everyone just settle for "region's biggest"?

Grouch Marx Sunglasses-wearing World Record Attempt (Richmond, July 21) -- In which 2,513 fans wore Groucho glasses simultaneously, handily beating the previous mark of 1,463.

Blake Shelton Night (Omaha Royals, July 21) -- Following the evening's contest, country star Shelton delighted the Rosenblatt Stadium faithful with tunes from "Pure BS," his fourth and most recent album.

Don Newcombe Appearance and Bobblehead Giveaway (Brooklyn Cyclones, July 22) -- The legendary Dodgers hurler returned to Brooklyn to oversee the distribution of thousands of porcelain dolls bearing his likeness.

Thunder the Mascot Soap Dispenser Giveaway (Lake Elsinore Storm, July 22) -- Underscoring, once again, that there is truly no limit to what can be given away at a Minor League baseball game.

Chico Ruiz's number retired as part of Hispanic Heritage Day (Richmond Braves, July 22) -- No Richmond Braves team member will ever wear the number 16 again. Ruiz, the first player ever honored in such a way by the R-Braves, played in Richmond from 1973-74 and 1976-84.

Dog Dish Giveaway (Altoona Curve, July 23) -- Arguably even more ridiculous than receiving a mascot soap dispenser.

Phillip Wellman Returns (Chattanooga, beginning July 23) -- The Lookouts have planned an array of events honoring Mississippi Braves manager Phillip Wellman, whose explosive, rosin-bag throwing tantrum made national headlines earlier this season.

Gorgeous Grandma Night (Salem-Keizer Volcanoes, July 23) -- The ballpark was packed with beautiful older women -- plus hot dogs and soda cost a buck. This must have been the greatest night ever.

Salute to Cheese (West Virginia Power, July 23) -- Why not, right?