Top 10 upcoming promotions
Altoona Curve (Eastern League)
Parney Bobblehead Giveaway, August 20
From their world-infamous "Awful Night" promotions to more recent abominations such as "Salute to Tools" and "You Got Caught Night," the Altoona Curve's promotional schedule is packed with self-admitted "lowlights." But the biggest lowlight of them all will take place on Wednesday, when the club gives away 2,000 bobblehead dolls bearing the likeness of longtime GM Todd Parnell. This promotion represents the rare opportunity to receive a bobblehead doll of a man who once tried to give away his gall bladder as part of one of the aforementioned "Awful Night" promotions. Don't miss out, Altoona.
Everett AquaSox (Northwest League)
Reptileman, August 20
Edgar Martinez Appearance, August 21
Whether you are a fan of venomous snakes or one-dimensional yet highly skilled baseball players, the AquaSox have you covered this week. On Wednesday, the one and only Reptileman will display his vast menagerie of cold-blooded curiosities at Everett Memorial Stadium. No AquaSox will be put on display however, as Reptileman's expertise does not extend into the realm of fictitious amphibians. Then, on Thursday, legendary designated hitter Edgar Martinez will grace the ballpark with his presence. The beloved Seattle Mariner will sign autographs for all of his adoring fans, be they human, reptile, fictitious amphibian, or otherwise.
Brooklyn Cyclones (New York-Penn League)
Super Bowl Bet Payoff, August 21
Seven months later, the implications of the Giants' stunning win over the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII are still being felt. On Thursday, Lowell Spinners GM Tim Bawmann will work for the Brooklyn grounds crew to fulfill the Super Bowl bet he made with Cyclones GM Steve Cohen. Bawmann, of course, had bet that his hometown Patriots would win, and as a result of their epic failure he will now have to maintain the field at Key Span Park while enduring the heckles of the Brooklyn faithful. Let him have it, Cyclones fans.
Binghamton Mets (Eastern League)
Hockey Night, August 22
Let's hear it for synergy! On Friday, the B-Mets are teaming up with the Binghamton Senators of the American Hockey League to bring the sights and sounds of the hockey arena to NYSEG Stadium. The players, wearing custom-made Senators jerseys, will enter the field through a giant inflatable hockey helmet while the Senators' intro music plays. The club's mascot and the Ice Girls will entertain fans in the stands, and between-innings games and contests include a slapshot contest, a dizzy stick race, and a hockey uniform dressing competition. The only thing missing is the Zamboni, which is probably a good thing considering the damage it would do to the infield.
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Nuts Remake the Classics, August 22
Cinephiles of all stripes will want to be in Modesto on Friday, as the Nuts front office will once again be showcasing its filmmaking chops. Last year, the club received rave reviews for its dramatic re-creations of key scenes from the likes of "Rocky" and "Bull Durham," and this season's line-up includes "Rudy," "The Sandlot," "Field of Dreams," and "Rookie of the Year." If you've enjoyed these movies in the past, just think how much more you will like them with the addition of an anthropomorphic almond in the starring role. The infinite possibilities of the film medium will be encompassed in these poignant movies parodies, so this is certain to be an inspiring evening for aspiring auteurs as well as veteran couch potatoes.
State College Spikes (New York-Penn League)
Stone Broke Student Night, August 22
The relatively tranquil atmosphere of State College is about to change dramatically, as hordes of college students are returning to Penn State for the fall semester. The Spikes are ready for these cash-strapped young academics, as they are staging "Stone Broke Student Night" on Friday. The first 250 students in attendance will receive a box of macaroni and cheese, which they can choose to consume in the squalor of their dorm rooms or donate to a local food bank. A variety of undergraduate-themed prizes will be given away -- such as "college survival kits," bookstore gift certificates, and quarters for the laundromat -- cheap food and drink specials will be in effect all evening and the inimitable Phillie Phanatic will perform. What more could you want?
Charleston RiverDogs (South Atlantic League)
Fancaster Contest and Ken Carrington Bobblehead Giveaway, August 23
Charleston's Joseph P. Riley Stadium will be filled with wannabe shot callers on Saturday night, as the RiverDogs are holding their first-ever "Fancaster" contest. Nine pre-selected fans will each broadcast one inning of that evening's game against Columbus, and the audio from each broadcast will be made available on the team's website. Fans can vote for their favorite aspiring announcer and the winner will be named the club's "Fancaster of the Year" and considered for future employment (personally, I would vote for whomever is able to gratuitously reference the fact that August 23rd is Julio Franco's 50th birthday). As an added bonus, the first 1000 fans in attendance will receive a bobblehead doll of longtime RiverDogs' P.A. announcer Ken Carrington.
Huntsville Stars (Southern League)
World Record First-Pitch Attempt, August 23
Before moving to Huntsville, Buck Rogers served as the GM of the Brevard County Manatees. There, he instituted an annual "World Record First Pitch" promotion, in which thousands of fans threw out ceremonial first pitches in the hours leading up to an evening ballgame. This promotion was so successful that the Manatees have continued it in Rogers' absence, and this year they set a new record with 8,304 first pitches. On Saturday, Rogers and his staff are going to attempt to surpass that total. To facilitate the process, the gates of Joe Davis Stadium are opening 19 hours early -- at 12:10 a.m. It's going to be a long, long day in Huntsville.
Savannah Sand Gnats (South Atlantic League)
Fans Take Over the Ballpark, August 23
Have you ever wanted to pursue a career in the action-packed world of Minor League Baseball, but were stymied by that oppressive concept of starting at the bottom and working your way up? Well, the Sand Gnats have just the promotion for you. On Saturday, the positions of general manager, on-field MC, PA announcer, bat boy, video board operator, groundskeeper, and mascot Gnate T. Gnat will be filled by the fans. All one needs to do in order to snag one of these coveted gigs is submit a 50-100 word essay to the team's website. The winners will be named honorary employees for the day, and will finally be able to experience the power and glory that comes from being involved in Minor League Baseball.
Mahoning Valley Scrappers (New York-Penn League)
Browns-Steelers Night, August 24
Located between Pittsburgh and Cleveland, the Mahoning Valley is a conflicted region when it comes to NFL allegiances. Many bleed Steelers black and gold, but others consider themselves proud backers of the Browns. Therefore, the Scrappers are in a precarious position when it comes to staging football-related promos, but it looks like they've found a way to bridge the gap. On Sunday, the club is welcoming a Steelers great and a Browns great to Eastwood Field. Former All-Pro wide receiver Louis Lipps is representing the Steel City, while Reggie Langhorne (a fellow receiver), is sure to attract fans who root for Cleveland. Hopefully, the two traditionally hostile factions will put aside their differences in order to root for the Scrappers. Stranger things have happened.
Bonus Coverage -- That which could have been included in last week's column, but, alas, was not.
Jackie Robinson Ballpark Heritage Night (Daytona Cubs, August 15) -- Robinson first broke the Spring Training color barrier in Daytona while preparing for the 1946 season. Each year, the D-Cubs pay tribute to this accomplishment.
A Giant Luau (San Jose Giants, August 15) -- Featuring a pig roasting ceremony, tribal dancers, a leis giveaway and a baseball game.
Chef Hat Giveaway (Arkansas Travelers, August 16) -- Never again will Travelers fans be forced to iron team patches onto existing chef hats.
Elvis Remembrance Night (Brevard County Manatees, August 16) -- In which the club commemorated the 31st anniversary of the passing of The King.
Jayson Stark Appearance (Lakewood BlueClaws, August 16) -- Fans flocked to FirstEnergy Ballpark to meet the legendary baseball scribe and ESPN personality, and that's the "Stark" truth.
Dog Calendar Night (Tennessee Smokies, August 16) -- This fine giveaway item featured pictures of Smokies players along with their "best friends."
Boudreaux's Birthday Bash (New Orleans Zephyrs, August 17) -- The Crescent City's most beloved nutria is another year older and another year wiser.
Benjamin Hill is a contributor to MLB.com.