Buchholz rediscovers confidence

FORT MYERS, Fla. -- Clay Buchholz was in Chicago when the moment came, but he felt more like he was in the abyss. It was Aug. 10, and he had just been pounded by the White Sox for seven hits -- three of which were home runs -- and five runs over three innings.

The kid who had thrown a no-hitter at Fenway Park 11 months earlier all but lost his will to pitch for the rest of 2008. That is how utterly horrible things got for Buchholz by the time that day was over.

So when you ask him now what his lowest point was last year, Buchholz doesn't even flinch.

"Chicago," said Buchholz. "I remember after the game, my dad was actually there and I told him, 'Wow, I can't wait for this season to actually be over, because I've never felt lower than this.' I knew I was on the cusp of going back to Triple-A, and I don't think anybody could help but feel that and that's what I felt. The lowest I've ever felt mentally was definitely that night."

His confidence nonexistent, Buchholz took one more start for the Red Sox -- 10 days later at Camden Yards. It was a continuation of the debacle against the White Sox, as he was knocked out after 2 1/3 innings.

Buchholz could finally breathe. He was going back to the Minor Leagues, which was more of a relief at the time than a piece of humble pie.

"We tried to stick with him as long as we could, but it just got to the point where the snowball was kind of getting bigger and bigger and it was kind of overwhelming him a little bit," said Red Sox manager Terry Francona.

So Buchholz went back to Double-A Portland and gained some confidence back and then pitched in the Arizona Fall League and got some more back.

The Red Sox, looking for their catcher of the future during the offseason, might have been able to get Taylor Teagarden or Jarrod Saltalamacchia from the Rangers if Boston felt like giving up on Buchholz. But it didn't. Not even after a season in which he went 2-9 with a 6.75 ERA.

"I believe I'm still good enough to be here and good enough to play on this team and good enough to start." -- Clay Buchholz

"Being wanted is always a good thing," Buchholz said. "You can ask anybody. For them not to trade me for the guys I've heard were up for trades and everything they could have gotten for me, it's a great honor that they still think that highly of me and they still think I'm as good as that one night I pitched two years ago.

"I believe I'm still good enough to be here and good enough to play on this team and good enough to start. I just have to go out and improve a little bit more and show them that's true."

If you want the truth, what overwhelmed Buchholz the most entering 2008 is that he knew -- at least in the back of his mind -- that he was going to be Boston's fifth starter.

"People were like, 'You're the No. 5 starter, and I think that put more pressure on me then actually saying, 'There's a couple of more guys that are here now, and you have to earn a spot.' I think I'm in a better situation this year than I was last year," said Buchholz. "I don't have to come in here and say, 'Wow, I'm on the team and I have to show everyone in Red Sox Nation and on the team and all the players that I'm the No. 4 or 5 starter.' I feel good about the situation I'm in."

Things are so different this spring that Buchholz could have the best camp imaginable, and it still might not be enough to earn him a spot in the rotation. The Red Sox have Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Tim Wakefield and Brad Penny slotted for the rotation. Future Hall of Famer John Smoltz is going to factor in somewhere around June.

After an offseason in which he spent time improving the mental side of the game with former Major League pitcher and Red Sox sports psychology coach Bob Tewksbury, Buchholz doesn't worry about the numbers game he might get caught up in. Now he is back to where he just thinks about executing each pitch.

"It's as hard as you make it, and I made it pretty hard on myself last year," Buchholz said. "Instead of going out there and doing what I know I can do and believing and trusting everything, I went out there and was pressing from Day 1 of Spring Training. It never got any better. It only got worse. That's the change I'm looking forward to making this year -- just going out and relaxing and having fun and playing baseball."

Still just 24 years old, Buchholz is confident again about his future.

"I believe I'm still good enough to be here and good enough to play on this team and good enough to start," said Buchholz. "I just have to go out and improve a little bit more and show them that's true."

And as for last year's nightmare, Buchholz can now look at it for what it was.

"I think of it as a hiccup now," Buchholz said. "It was a rough season -- a bump, a huge bump in the road. Everyone says, well, you're going to have that little lull in the season. Mine was a whole lull for the season. I'm looking forward for that to change and to get that out of people's minds and to go out and have fun and win some games and play some ball."

Ian Browne is a reporter for MLB.com.