Top 10 upcoming promotions

Corpus Christi Hooks (Texas League)
Mixed Martial Arts Night, June 10
The Hooks have a range of activities planned for Wednesday's Mixed Martial Arts celebration, but the evening's most intriguing aspect is a choreographed performance of "God Bless America." This enduring patriotic ditty will certainly take on greater emotional resonance when accompanied by synchronized fight moves, and if you forget to take off your cap during the performance perhaps one of the performers will kick or punch it off for you. Also on tap is a pregame skills demonstration featuring fighters of varying age groups and a ceremonial first pitch tossed by pro MMA fighter Jason David Frank. If you have a problem with the fact that this guy has three first names ... well, tell him that to his face and see what happens.

Lake County Captains (South Atlantic League)
Captains Senior Day, June 10
Each season, innumerable Minor League promotions cater to kids -- as though children need to be rewarded for living a life of little responsibility and blissful ignorance. Senior citizens are recognized much less frequently, but the Captains are doing their part to rectify this imbalance by staging Senior Day. The first 1,000 fans in attendance receive a Captains visor, a stylish piece of headwear that has long been favored by the AARP set. Seniors will receive complimentary coffee throughout the ballgame, while enjoying round after round of bingo. There will also be a Senior Citizen bachelor/bachelorette party, in which two lucky contestants get the chance to choose from among a variety of similarly eligible singles. After all, it's never too late for love.

Charleston RiverDogs (South Atlantic League)
Salute to the G-String, June 11
See, this is why you've got to read the fine print. The RiverDogs' "Salute to the G-String" promo immediately conjures images of scantily clad beach bunnies, frolicking through the ballpark without a care in the world. And no doubt, the evening's "Thirsty Thursday" crowd would certainly enjoy such a spectacle. But here's the catch -- revealing lower-body swimwear isn't what's being saluted. Instead, "select" fans will receive a guitar g-string. My hope is that some individual finds a way to turn the guitar string into a wearable piece of clothing, thus subverting a subversive promo and restoring balance to the universe.

Charlotte Stone Crabs (Florida State League)
Golfers' Appreciation Night, June 12
Baseball and golf both revolve around the art of hitting a small white spherical object, so it makes sense that the Stone Crabs are combining the two durable pastimes on Friday. (The fact that southwest Florida is a golfing mecca probably has something to do with it as well.) Fans are invited to join local pros as part of a pregame "closest to the pin" contest, after which the action will shift to a nine-hole miniature golf course on the outfield boardwalk. Clips from "Caddyshack" will be shown on the videoboard throughout the evening, and fans will compete in between-inning golf history trivia contests. Finally, the club is asking for all applause-worthy occurrences to be acknowledged with -- what else? -- a golf clap.

Huntsville Stars (Southern League)
Legends of Rock Stars Night, June 12
Today's popular music landscape is dominated by auto-tuned R&B, boy bands and emo, a seriously underwhelming trifecta that is threatening to damage our country's self-esteem and international standing. Fortunately, there are teams such as the Huntsville Stars out there, who are always willing to stand up in the name of Rock and Roll. On Friday, fans are encouraged to wear band paraphernalia to Joe Davis Stadium, and good old rock 'n roll will be played over the PA all evening long. Aspiring shredders can play Guitar Hero on the concourse, and after the ballgame is over, fans will be invited onto the field to jam out on the instrument of their choice. Air guitar, air drums, air bass, air keyboards -- it's all good.

Frederick Keys (Carolina League)
Rubber Duck Giveaway, June 13
Every once in a while I like to include a promo in this column about which I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I certainly know nothing about the Keys' rubber duck giveaway Saturday, save for the fact that a rubber duck will be given to fans as they enter the stadium. But really, isn't that all you need to know? Sometimes I wonder why I write 75-125 words in order to explain things that don't need be explained, but there's a perfectly good explanation: otherwise, I would be out of a job. So thanks for reading this column, week after week. It is because of you that I have a steady paycheck.

Quad Cities River Bandits (Midwest League)
Brett Wallace Bobblehead, June 13
Bobbleheads may be fun items to receive for free at a Minor League Baseball stadium, but they've become somewhat traditional. Unless there's a hook, of course, something that makes said bobblehead different from all other bobbleheads. That's the case with the River Bandits this season, as the club is giving away four separate bobbleheads, each of which features its subject standing in front of a three-inch high wall of corn. When placed side by side, this will create a scene of four individuals emerging from a cornfield (a la "Field of Dreams," of course). Saturday's Brett Wallace giveaway is the second in the series -- a Pete Kozma bobblehead was distributed last month, with manager Steve Dillard and mascot Rascal still to come.

Tulsa Drillers (Texas League)
Triple Bobblehead -- '80s Stars, June 13
And speaking of unique bobbleheads, let us now journey to Tulsa. On Saturday, the Drillers will be giving away a unique triple bobblehead featuring the franchise's three most memorable 1980s-era players: Ruben Sierra, Sammy Sosa and Juan Gonzalez. These undulating and oversized amigos are all standing on a baseball diamond, with Gonzalez kneeling at home plate while Sierra and Sosa strike an offensive-minded pose in the outfield. And of course, there's gonna be more where this came from. The Drillers will be giving away a 1990s-themed triple bobblehead next month, and a 2000s-era version in August. For those keeping track at home, that's nine bobbleheads for the price of three.

Wisconsin Timber Rattlers (Midwest League)
Donald Driver Charity Softball Game, June 14
The Timber Rattlers' Fox Cities Stadium will be the site of Sunday's Offense-Defense softball game, an annual contest that pits two factions of the Green Bay Packers against one another while completely ignoring the special teams. As in 2008, the game will be hosted by wide receiver Donald Driver, who inherited the title of "longest-tenured Packer" from Brett Favre. The game will be preceded by a home run derby (the equivalent of watching baseball players heave Hail Mary passes) and all proceeds benefit Driver's charitable foundation. While the roster of the defensive team is set, the final spot in the offense's lineup is reserved for whomever wins an eBay auction (as of this writing, the highest bid is $1,225).

Reading Phillies (Eastern League)
Morning Game with Coffee Mug Giveaway, June 15
Monday is the R-Phils' eighth annual Morning Game, with a start time of 9:35 a.m. As unnatural as this may seem, it gives night-shift workers the opportunity to see a ballgame after clocking out. These nocturnal creatures will be joined by legions of early risers, who will receive a complimentary coffee mug upon arriving at the stadium. Gates open at 8:30, at which time senior citizens are invited to stroll the warning track while enjoying the smooth sounds of cabaret vocalist Tony Farina. This all sounds rather surreal, doesn't it? For a couple minutes I convinced myself that this promotion was something I dreamed (don't laugh, it's happened before), but a visit to the R-Phils site confirms that this is all happening in real life.

Bonus Coverage: Believe it or not, more than 10 promotions take place in the Minor Leagues each week. Here are some that could have been in last week's column, but weren't.

Crazy Hot Dog Vendor Tin Lunch Box (Reading Phillies, June 3): Perfect for carrying around frankfurters.

Power of Positive Thinking Night (Stockton Ports, June 4): I'm sure that this night was awesome!

Charlotte Hornets Cap Giveaway (Charlotte Knights, June 6): Long before the arrival (and departure) of the NBA franchise, the Hornets were the name of Charlotte's professional baseball team.

Docs vs. Jocks Charity Softball Game (Mobile BayBears, June 6): My guess is that the jocks won.

Shriner's Awareness Night (Portland Sea Dogs, June 6): Featuring music from a pipe and drum band and an appearance by the inimitable Fez Head Fred.

Willie Mays Appearance (Fresno Grizzlies, June 7): In which Chukchansi Park was visited by, oh, I don't know -- THE WORLD'S GREATEST LIVING BASEBALL PLAYER.

Ken Sanders Appearance (Wisconsin Timber Rattlers, June 7): The 1971 American League saves leader arrived at the ballpark before the game even started, a rarity for a relief pitcher.