Even mascots make resolutions

We've heard from Minor League Baseball's president, but what about the teams themselves? What are they looking forward to in 2010? What are their hopes, dreams and goals for this, the first season of a new decade?

To find out, I asked dozens of clubs, "What are your New Year's resolutions?" Perhaps not surprisingly, many teams chose to filter their responses through the raging id of the franchise -- the mascot.

What follows is a sampling of these responses:

Altoona Curve: Give our beloved mascot, Steamer, a makeover -- after all, he's 84 in mascot years! ... Rename our team the Altoona Moose whenever the [brand-new] Richmond Flying Squirrels visit ("Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"). ... Prepare a bid for Altoona to host the 2030 Winter Meetings. We'll start work on the Indy-like tunnel system tomorrow. ... Plan a shameless "Ben Hill Night" at Blair County Ballpark to get a certain MiLB.com reporter back to Altoona.

Charleston RiverDogs: Our New Year's resolution is to recognize our fans' right to "Be Your Own Fan." Through the use of social media for instant feedback, suggestions and open discussions along with exciting new viral marketing offers, we will help create a unique and custom experience based on each individual fan's needs and desires.

And as for our mascot...

Charlie T. RiverDogs' resolution is to exercise more regularly, read more books and help others around him. With the "Reading and Running with the RiverDogs" program, Charlie will work with local school children to show the benefits of being active both physically and mentally.

Cubby (Daytona Cubs mascot): Instead of exercising more and trying to drop some pounds, Cubby T. Bear has decided to make it his New Year's resolution to lounge around and gain excessive amounts of weight during the early months of 2010. This will help him stay warm during the arctic January and February in Daytona Beach and have enough energy to make it through another baseball season. D-Cubs director of food and beverage Eric Freeman has already purchased eight cases of hot dogs, bratwursts and hamburgers to try and stymie Cubby's appetite. We hope it's enough.

Miss-A-Miracle (Fort Myers Miracle mascot): I would like to find someone special in 2010. Do you realize how difficult it is to meet other dogs when you are 6-foot-5, have size 15 feet and are about five feet wide? I tried online dating, but my profile picture scares them off. I just need a good partner that shares my love of baseball, children and having a good time.

Parker (Fresno Grizzlies mascot): I will create another trend-setting Minor League Baseball marketing tool (a la "I Hate The Offseason"). ... I will stop eating popcorn for breakfast. ... I will clean my tighty whiteys more often. ... I will exercise on days that don't end with the letter "y." ... I will not make fun of Dinger or Archie or whatever the Las Vegas mascot is.

Greensboro Grasshoppers: Like last year, we will get national news coverage. But unlike last year, it will not be because our dog, Master Yogi Berra, defecated on the field during the game. Instead, it will be because of all the "Hoppin' Fun" we are hosting throughout the season. ... [Mascot] Guilford the Grasshopper will get in shape. Yogi and [fellow canine mascot] Miss Babe Ruth will work out with Guilford every day in his attempt to lose 10 pounds. ... We will add more Hoppin' Fun characters into our character lineup. A female will be announced in the upcoming year.

KB (Lancaster JetHawks mascot): Hit the gym -- KB's goal is to bench 300 before the beginning of next season, no extra creatine or fertility drugs needed. ... Learn to fly -- After 15 seasons, it's finally time to leave the nest and soar above the Hangar (or at least be able to jump really high). ... Cut back on high-fat worm consumption -- low-carb diets are one thing, but sticking only to gummy worms should help KB gain some much-needed energy.

Lexington Legends: Not have a team bus break down every other homestand. ... To win the [South Atlantic League] championship. We won it during our first year, so let's bookend that by doing it again in 2010! ... For [mascots] Big L and Little L to take better care of their trademark mustaches. ... To limit our ceremonial first pitches to no more than 10 per game.

Eric Edelstein (Northwest Arkansas Naturals general manager): My own resolution in 2010 will be to bring back the personal touches. With the world of e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Web sites and doing more with less every day, sometimes I need to remember to call instead of e-mail and send a hand-written letter instead of a typed one. I resolve to let every single partner, fan, suite holder, player, coach and staff member know how important they all are to our team.

Trenton Thunder: To retain our dominance in the annual "War for I-95" front-office softball game against New Jersey rival, the Lakewood BlueClaws. ... To finish higher in the standings than the Red Sox's and Mets' Double-A affiliates. ... For Chase and Derby to remain the best 1-2 canine tandem in Minor League Baseball. ... Get Mike "The Situation" from [MTV reality show] Jersey Shore to make an appearance in Trenton, creating a "Situation" at one of our games.

Rocky Bluewinkle (Wilmington Blue Rocks mascot): [Fellow mascot] Mr. Celery and I want to be more active in our community in 2010. Mr. Celery saw his workload (run, dance, run, repeat) diminish in 2009, and he's excited about celebrating more Blue Rocks runs next season. I'm looking forward to being more visible as well, whether it is at school and hospital appearances or good old-fashioned in-stadium fan interaction. However you slice it, Rocky Bluewinkle and Mr. Celery want you to experience the show in 2010 and beyond!