Rascal's Ramblings: Halloween Edition

Hello good people and welcome to a very special Halloween edition of Rascal’s Ramblings! For those new to the form, this is an opportunity for me, Rascal, everyone’s favorite bipedal raccoon to speak directly to the people. And on this particular ramble, I’d like to focus on Halloween.

Halloween Candy

Every year around this time, the internet assembles to shout at each other about Candy Corn. I will not be doing that here (though for the record, Candy Corn is horrendous). Instead, I would like to use this platform to ask a favor of the candy companies: stop trying to make white chocolate happen. White chocolate, in candy bar form, is awful. It is particularly noteworthy at Halloween time, because everyone is buying candy variety packs and if it is a chocolate candy, there is invariably a white chocolate version of a KitKat or a Hershey bar and they are always the only thing left over at the bottom of the candy bowl every Halloween. I’m not saying white chocolate is bad. In certain cases, I quite enjoy white chocolate. But store bought, reverse engineered, white chocolate versions of beloved candies are not doing white chocolate justice. And I resent the whole holiday because of it.

Costumes

I’m sure everyone will be some version of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce this year. But, if you want to do something Renegades/baseball related, here are a couple suggestions.

• Foul Ball - Get a giant baseball costume and leave it out in the rain for a few days. Maybe soak it in some garbage water. Then, when it’s nice and moldy and “foul” smelling, go out on Halloween and really leave a lasting impression.

• Immaculate Grid - Fix 9 small white boards to your body with your choice of immaculate grid topics and let people at your halloween party try to fill it out on you during the party. It’s interactive and a conversation starter. You may have a clumsy time using the bathroom but what good costume doesn’t have that problem.

• Retirement Rookie and Rene - Dress as my favorite parents as you would imagine them looking in Boca Raton. Rookie with a flower shirt, a coconut cocktail, and a set of broken golf clubs. Rene with a big beachy hat, flowing linen pant suit, and a Danielle Steele novel.

Scary Movies

My favorite part of Halloween has to be scary movies. I love slasher flicks, demonic possessions, and mirror jump scares. They are the best. Here are 3 scary movie ideas that I think would make instant Halloween classics:

• Out of hotdogs at the stand - An angry mob of hot dog hungry baseball fans descend on a poor, lonely food and beverage manager when he realizes he’s out of dogs.

• Rufus the annoying ghost - I love my grandpa, but he could be a bit of a prankster. On a cool, dark, night in April, Rufus comes back to haunt his Birds Eye BBQ. All who partake in his delicious BBQ start having funny things happen to him. Maybe their salad tongs get mixed in with the pulled pork, or the napkins are replaced with sponges. Stuff like that. Scary annoying.

• Rain delay madness - By a sadistic twist of fate, the entire month August is filled with rainy day after rainy day. After 30 consecutive postponements, there is finally one sunny day at the end of the month where we must play a 30-header. By game 5 the players are exhausted. By game 10, they become zombies. Then, in game 13, it starts to rain…