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Promo Watch: State College exposes the truth

Spikes' 'Salute to Conspiracy Theories' features aviators and aliens
The State College Spikes' "Salute to Conspiracy Theories" includes theme jerseys that reference the moon landing, D.B. Cooper and secret societies.
July 18, 2017

The truth is out there, and the State College Spikes claim to have found it.The Class A Short Season affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals hosts "Salute to Conspiracy Theories Night" on Wednesday. As the team explains in a recently declassified press release, this promotion is dedicated to nothing less

The truth is out there, and the State College Spikes claim to have found it.
The Class A Short Season affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals hosts "Salute to Conspiracy Theories Night" on Wednesday. As the team explains in a recently declassified press release, this promotion is dedicated to nothing less than "exposing the truth behind the biggest secrets of our time." 

During the game against the Williamsport Crosscutters ("so-called" affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies), the Spikes will suit up in conspiracy theory jerseys featuring the (possibly staged) 1969 moon landing on the front and the backpack of vanished sky pirate D.B. Cooper on the back. Cooper himself is somehow slated to deliver the ceremonial first-pitch balls, making this his first purported public appearance since disappearing in November 1971. These first-pitch balls will be thrown by mythic Mets fireballer Sidd Finch and bloody sock-wearing mascot Ike the Spike (channeling his inner Curt Schilling).

"[Cooper] is a tough get for anybody, but we just looked to the sky," said Spikes general manager Scott Walker. "If anyone can do it, it's our front-office staff."
Walker said "Salute to Conspiracy Theories Night" originated during an offseason brainstorming retreat, in which staff members came equipped with "bad idea shotguns." This particular idea eluded all efforts to shoot it down and, thus, entered the realm of the real.
"After we decided to do it, the date made itself evident," said Walker. "[July 19] falls between two historic dates in conspiracy theory history. July 18, 1938, is when the Navy called off its search for Amelia Earhart. July 20, 1969, is when we allegedly landed on the moon."
The Spikes' front office claims to be actively searching for Earhart, an effort led by team broadcaster and media relations director Joe Putnam. No stranger to intense investigations, Putnam happens to be a distant descendant of Earhart's husband, George Putnam.
"We have some clues but don't want to unearth any secrets in advance of the game," said Walker. "And we have all kinds of other stuff going on. We'll have Secret Service personnel guarding Ike's Kid's Zone, which is now Area 51 East. And our fun deck is in the Bermuda Triangle. Hopefully no 24-ounce beers will disappear."
Hardcore conspiracy theorists will have much to explore when it comes to the Spikes' theme jerseys, as each letter in the "Spikes" team name is laden with arcane symbolism. In describing the jerseys, Walker makes references -- including but not limited to -- secret societies, all-seeing eyes, hourglasses, crop circles and the Owl of Minerva.
Like any good conspiracy theory, this night at the ballpark will be as deep and all-encompassing as one is willing to make it.
"Bigfoot may or may not be on-hand," said Walker. "And Elvis may not have left this building quite yet."
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Coming Soon! There's nothing "alleged" about these upcoming promotions, which are all happening soon and documented with great acumen and veracity.
July 19: The Brooklyn Cyclones' "Villain Appreciation Night" is highlighted by the distribution of bobbleheads featuring Happy Gilmore's most dastardly character:
Tweet from @BKCyclones: Wed. July 19th is Villain Appreciation Night! Get your LIMITED EDITION Shooter McGavin bobblehead package today! https://t.co/zeQgjBCquo pic.twitter.com/zWrtdoZPJr
July 20: Michael "Grubes" Gruber, the Frisco RoughRiders' "Ambassador of Fun," is honored with a bobblehead of mythic proportions.
Tweet from @RidersBaseball: 500 @tweetgrubes bobbleheads? OK, cool.500 @tweetgrubes centaur bobbleheads? YES PLEASE!!! ��Get yours on 7/20! ������https://t.co/s4suBnQaxM pic.twitter.com/WXEGfzvZgU
The Lowell Spinners' "Win, Dance, Repeat" bobblehead series kicks off with Andrew Benintendi "King of Pop" bobbleheads.
Tweet from @LowellSpinners: Only 6 days left until the first of the #WinDanceRepeat bobble heads drops! @asben16 up first Thursday, July 20th! #RedSox #GatorUp pic.twitter.com/LrVKD9hJfu
July 21: The Daytona Tortugas, fresh off their celebration of Bob Ross, pay tribute to the life and legacy of sports broadcast reporter Craig Sager by donning appropriately outlandish theme jerseys.
Tweet from @daytonatortugas: We'll honor the great Craig Sager with special #SagerStrong Jerseys! The jerseys will then be auctioned off for https://t.co/iiWZSK5mCV pic.twitter.com/NotelKEPaJ
The Lake County Captains, doing things their way, pay homage to Frank Sinatra.
Tweet from @LCCaptains: Salute to Sinatra! Coming to Classic Park 7/21! Come join the fun and salute the great one that is Sinatra. https://t.co/7Tm5cLKBIH pic.twitter.com/H0W9E4njGq
Steve Hytner, best known as Seinfeld's Kenny Bania, visits the Harrisburg Senators. Hytner will sign autographs during the game and perform a "Rated R" comedy show following it.
July 22: The Akron RubberDucks welcome Scrubs star Robert "The Todd" Maschio to the ballpark.  
Tweet from @AkronRubberDuck: Final CELEBRITY APPEARANCE to announce: July 22 it's Robert Maschio, aka, THE TODD from the TV show "SCRUBS!" TIX: https://t.co/Jg2OikWDzP pic.twitter.com/FWzGsBnT2T
Fresh from his Harrisburg Senators' appearance, Steve "Kenny Bania" Hytner visits the Bowie Baysox.
The Bowling Green Hot Rods' "Bootleggers Night," winner of the 2016 Promo of the Year MiLBY Award, makes its triumphant and perhaps somewhat tipsy return. The first 500 fans of drinking age receive flasks.
Tweet from @BGHotRods: Bootleggers Night is back ONE WEEK from today! Pregame concert and drink specials! Need tickets? Click here: https://t.co/H7KONGyw8o pic.twitter.com/hSEwGlw8j3
Umpires, who rarely get any respect, are getting respect from the Charleston RiverDogs on "Umpire Appreciation Night." The first 1,000 fans receive a plate-sweeping bobblewrist.
Tweet from @ChasRiverDogs: [email protected] @SEisbergWCIV @KevinLive5 @brendanclark Know any local umpiring legends we should bring out and "appreciate" on 7/22? pic.twitter.com/QpcaIy749R
Knuckleballing Atlanta Braves legend Phil Niekro, who in 1979 became the (presumably) last pitcher to both win and lose 20 games in a season, will be honored in bobblehead form by the Gwinnett Braves.
Tweet from @GwinnettBraves: Take home a Braves legend July 22nd courtesy of @GwinnettMedical!Get here early, only the first 2,500 get Knucksie!��https://t.co/MJqkPTpnvS pic.twitter.com/2k3vWYFz2d
The Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp stage a "Salute to the Negro Leagues," during which they'll honor the Jacksonville Red Caps.
Tweet from @JaxShrimp: Salute to the Negro Leagues, first 1,000 get replica jerseys courtesy of @FLBlue Meet former players & moreTix $5> https://t.co/cj2d9S7JCg pic.twitter.com/0qiHzmKE0f
Ice hockey comedy classic The Mighty Ducks turns 25 this year. The Potomac Nationals are celebrating by welcoming Matt Doherty to the ballpark, and giving away bobbleheads featuring Doherty's "Lester Averman" Mighty Ducks character.
Tweet from @PNats42: The Mighty Ducks 25th Anniversary Night is Saturday, July 22nd, featuring a bobblehead, jersey auction & much more: https://t.co/fTJCCASLJV pic.twitter.com/wcDIIKmSzn
The Staten Island Yankees, one of (at least) six teams staging a Star Wars Night this week, are giving away Evil Empire capes to the most evil segment of their fan base: adults.
Tweet from @SIYanks: #MayTheFourthBeWithYou! Don't miss Star Wars Night on July 22. Free Evil Empire Cape for 1st 1000 adults.Tix: https://t.co/s2LDe6HUDX pic.twitter.com/nW9jcUzkcy
July 24: The New Hampshire Fisher Cats honor their all-time home run leader, Ryan Schimpf, with a "Schimpf on the Barbie" bobblehead. 

Benjamin Hill is a reporter for MiLB.com and writes Ben's Biz Blog. Follow Ben on Twitter @bensbiz.