RedHawks have offer for LeBron James
"Although the front office makes no player personnel decisions," says Executive Director John Allgood, "LeBron is pretty popular! We'd sell a lot of tickets!"
It is unknown if James has any baseball experience.
"He is a phenomenal, versatile talent," says team representative Jason Black, "and we believe he can help us win a championship." The team currently has a 3.5-game lead.
Many NBA teams are lining up to make offers to the star with a contract that will be worth millions. In lieu of a multimillion dollar contract the RedHawks are prepared to make the following offer:
Access to a luxury suite at least one game per homestand.
Free housing in 1500 square foot rental property located in Harrah, OK. Yes, free.
Groundskeeper Monte McCoy will mow the lawn of said property.
Will offer a new hotdog at the popular "Dog Pound" called the LeBratwurst with toppings of Mr. James choosing.
Throw out the ceremonial first pitch every night.
All James runs will count as 2 and home runs will be 3 (pending league approval).
Entitled to all free promotional giveaways including replica jersey (one size fits all) on July 30.
Upon arrival we will change Family 4 Pack ticket option to Family 6 Pack in honor of James new number.
Four tickets to our "All You Can Eat" section.
Gift certificates from local businesses.
The offer is only good through the All-Star Break because there is a potential occupant for the rental property in Harrah.
The RedHawks are contemplating making similar offers to Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and Brian Scalabrine.