The Potomac Nationals will officially begin game day preparations for Cosmo Kramer Night soon after the rooster calls with a morning staff meeting that will rightfully be held around a coffee table in lieu of a conference table.
First pitch for the P-Nats' series opening tilt with their neighbors in the Northern Division, the Frederick Keys (Baltimore Orioles), will take place when the sun identifies it is 7:05pm or sometime within the hour.
P-Nats fans can barge through the gates when the club uses that same ball of fire to determine if it's 6:00pm to bask in Serenity Now!
Cosmo Kramer Night with the P-Nats is co-sponsored by: Rudy's Antique Boutique, Dinky Donuts, Dr. Martin van Nostrand from "The Clinic," Jiffy Park, Coleman's Department Store, Moviefone, and The Proctologist.
P-Nats stadium operations reps will use a motorized rickshaw to bring fans in need from the parking lot to the stadium gates.
To pay homage to one of Kramer's favorite button-down shirts, the Potomac Nationals will don Cosmo Kramer-style lobster theme jerseys on the field during the game.
The game-used Cosmo Kramer lobster jerseys will be auctioned off during the contest on the stadium concourse, and the jerseys will be autographed by P-Nats players and coaching staff members after the game.
The Cosmo Kramer lobster shirt theme jersey auction is presented by: Northwest Federal Credit Union, in part to benefit the refurbishment of the old Merv Griffin Show set.
Fans who have the following moniker(s) included as any part of their full legal name will receive one (1) free reserved ticket to Cosmo Kramer Night from the Extreme Custom Collision Ticket Office:
Fans will be eligible to receive one (1) complimentary grandstand ticket to Cosmo Kramer Night if they:
-Prove that they are unemployed
-Dress like a department store Santa Clause
-Present items that smell like the beach
-Are currently employed as a United States Mail Carrier or a proctologist
-Show up in a New York Yankees Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle jersey or jersey shirt
-Have a face that looks like an old catcher's mitt (don't be offended if P-Nats representatives look away if you're hideous)
TV and film actor, Michael Richards, who portrayed "Cosmo Kramer" on Seinfeld, will receive four (4) free premium box seats behind home plate (which will be a great reverse peephole-style view of the game) and all the Mackinaw peaches he can eat if he is available to attend Cosmo Kramer Night with the P-Nats.
People who are not invited to Cosmo Kramer Night and will have the ballpark gates slammed shut on them include:
-Crazy Joe Davola
-Former New York Yankees player, Joe Pepitone
-Anyone dressed as a clown
-Former Entertainment Tonight Co-Anchor, Mary Hart
-Any and all anti-dentites
Additionally, after the ballpark gates open, P-Nats fans will have a chance to sign up for a Northwest Federal Field at Pfitzner Stadium Reality Tour.
The P-Nats' faithful are encouraged to donate to H.E. Pennypacker's quest to build a roller coaster, as there will be a fish bowl collecting cash donations to benefit the coaster at the Fan Assistance Booth during the Cosmo Kramer Night festivities.
A P-Nats rep will be out in front of the Main Concessions Stand all game long picketing the sale of bagels. Fans won't be able to miss him holding a large "NO BAGELS" sign, and chanting, "No Bagel, No Bagel, No Bagel, No Bagel…" over and over.
As the Frederick Keys try not to get locked out against the P-Nats, one member of Frederick's starting lineup will be chosen as the designated "K Man." If that player strikes out three times during the clash, every fan in attendance will be eligible to receive one (1) free 2018 P-Nats undated grandstand ticket voucher.
Cosmo Kramer Night in-game promotions will include a Thinly Sliced Deli Meats Eating Contest in which the winner will receive a P-Nats branded raincoat.
A Find Bob Sacamano Contest will provide the winner courtesy 2019 Potomac Nationals full-season tickets in the reserved seating section.
A Cosmo Kramer Look-Alike Contest will net the winner a P-Nats' 2016 Halfway to Festivus Frank Costanza Bobblehead.
Risk, the game of world conquest in which players will engage in an epic struggle for world domination, will be on site. The Risk board will be placed in a neutral area inside Northwest Federal Field at Pfitzner Stadium where no one will be able tamper with the game (Newman!).
There will be a P-Nats intern wearing a suit who will serve as designated seat filler during the game for select fans in the Box Seating Sections behind Home Plate who leave their seats during the game to keep the stands full. No guarantees on whether or not the seat filler will give his new seat buddies a pull off his turkey jerky…
A personal beauty consultant will be on hand at The Pfitz to help prepare fans to stay beautiful throughout the entire game, and to emphasize the importance of poise, walk, and even singing technique.
One lucky randomly chosen fan will win a Cosmo Kramer-themed gift basket featuring:
-Titleist Golf Balls Sleeve (mind the blowholes…)
-P-Nats' 2018 Kentucky Derby Day Theme Jersey (with a likeness of Rusty's face on the front of the jersey; no Beef-a-reeno pictured)
-Cigar (no comment on if it's a Cuban…)
-Fusilli Pasta (not necessarily in the shape of Jerry Seinfeld but rather in a box)
-Crackers (suitcase not included)
-Underwear (Calvin Klein brand…of course)
-Shave Butter (beware of becoming so delectable that the Newmans out there may try to take a bite out of you…)
-Starbucks Gift Certificate (to buy Kramer's favorite scorching hot drink, a Caffe Latte…just don't try to sneak one in your shirt into a movie theater…it won't end well)
-Burn Balm (the P-Nats are telling you it's OK to put the balm on…)
-Kenny Rogers Roasters Gift Certificate (Kenny Rogers Roasters…home of roasted chicken so delicious, it's worth living with the Red Menace for as Kenny makes a pretty strong bird…it's the wood that makes it good)
There will be an appearance from "Little Jerry Seinfeld," Kramer's rooster who is a lifetime undefeated (1-0) cock fighter, and fans will be able to take pictures with Little Jerry.
Yo-Yo Ma...you better believe it buddy!
At condiment tables around Northwest Federal Field at Pfitzner Stadium, Kramer's invention will be brought to life, as ketchup and mustard will be put in the same bottle.
Meanwhile, the Snack Shack will be re-branded as PB&Js, with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for sale in the vein of Kramer's vision of a restaurant that only sells PB&Js (there might be some additional snacks for sale unless the Cosmo-style mooches of the world ate them all).
As always, fans should take advantage of the P-Nats' non, non-fat ice cream for sale on the stadium concourse on Cosmo Kramer Night.
A "These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty" Combo Deal will run throughout the game at the Main Concessions Stand, where fans who purchase a soft pretzel will be able to receive a half-priced bottled water.
All fans who purchase bottled beverages throughout the game will be able to turn in the empty bottles to the Fan Assistance Booth in exchange for a nickel per empty bottle.
Logan's Sausage Shack will be filled with Kramer's favorite sausage-making soundtrack all night long.
Paisano's Pizza, The Official Pizza of the Potomac Nationals, will be available for sale in the Extreme Custom Collision Café Area, but fans will not be able to make their own pies because the club can't have people shoving their arms into a 600-degree oven.
Cosmo Kramer's familiar associates, friends, and enemies (Frederick Keys' headshot likenesses will do just fine for this exercise, Big Daddy!) will be projected on the outfield jumbo-tron video board during the game including:
-Attorney, Jackie Chiles
-Kramerica Industries Intern, Darin
-Stan the Caddy
-Silvio The Landlord
-Crazy Joe Davola
-Rich Texan Diplomat's Club Airport Gambler, Earl Haffler
In addition, a Cosmo Kramer laugh-riot compilation on the jumbo-tron video board will keep the laughs coming all game.
As a nod to Cosmo's apartment, 5B, all fans who sit in Grandstand section 5, Row B will receive special in-game recognition with a public address announcement shout out, and each fan will earn two (2) free 2018 P-Nats undated grandstand ticket vouchers.
Post-game, only one intern will be assigned to chase down tennis balls scattered around the playing surface after Tennis Ball Toss.
Giddy Up Again!
Meanwhile, P-Nats fans should be careful not to hurt themselves during Cosmo Kramer Night, or you might just end up needing a couple pints of Kramer in you, buddy.
So if you're sitting at home trying to rig illegal cable next Friday, 7/13, wrong, Mujumbo!
If you're on a tight budget, just write it off…they all do it.
Don't stop short…of coming to Cosmo Kramer Night!
Cosmo Kramer says GO!
And here's to feelin' good all the time…
ABOUT KRAMERICA INDUSTRIES
Kramerica Industries is an umbrella corporation that gives wings to invention.
From concept to execution, Kramerica Industries is consummately on the cusp of innovation.
Whether it be the creation of an oil bladder system or the design of "The Bro," which provides extra support to certain men, Kramerica is on the cutting edge of what's on the horizon…
Kramerica Industries is led by Founder and CEO, Cosmo Kramer, who subscribes to the notion that you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.
Kramerica Industries is located at 129 West 81st Street, Suite 5B, New York, NY.
Head to www.kramericaindustries.com to find out more information on Kramerica Industries' next groundbreaking idea…
The Potomac Nationals of the Carolina League play at Northwest Federal Field at Pfitzner Stadium in Woodbridge, Virginia, and are the Carolina League affiliate of the Washington Nationals. The Potomac Nationals have claimed five Carolina League Championship titles (1982, 1989, 2008, 2010, and 2014) and nine CL Northern Division Championships. Sponsorship opportunities for the P-Nats' 2018 season and beyond are available, as well as all-inclusive corporate picnic outings to watch the future stars of the Washington Nationals at The Pfitz. 2018 Potomac Nationals season tickets and mini plans are now on sale. For more information on Potomac Nationals 2018 season tickets, mini plans, group outings, picnic packages, fundraisers, and all things Red, White, and Blue, visit the P-Nats online at www.potomacnationals.com, follow the P-Nats on Facebook (@PotomacNationals), Twitter (@PNats42), and Instagram (@pnats42), or call the Potomac Nationals' Extreme Custom Collision Ticket Office at 703-590-2311.
-- Potomac Nationals --
This story was not subject to the approval of the National Association of Professional Baseball Leagues or its clubs.